A Love Letter To My New Clients

Hello

For my entire adult life, I've been preparing to meet you.

Week in and year out, I've been learning things. Things about how to run a successful business. Things about how to use business technologies. And things about how to share what I know. I've reached the point in my career where I'm ready to turn from running hard to reach my own goals, and turn back to help others who are coming up behind me.

That's how we are going to meet.

You may not recognize me at first glance. You may have to hang out a bit to listen to me talk for a while, before you realize that we have been on a collision course to meet for some time. But it will happen. There will be a spark, a moment when you know that you've found a connection.

Or maybe you will recongize me right away. Maybe the first glimpse you get of my work will call out to you, like a spring of water in the desert.

Either way, I want you to know that my heart is waiting for you. I understand the challenges of working hard, being alone, and struggling to turn your dream into your daily reality. That's been my life, too. I don't know the specific details about you, but I know your story. Because I have the same story.

I've dreamt a big dream for my life.

My friends and family never hesitated to tell me that it was a foolish dream. They encouraged me to take the safe route, to stop my chasing after windmills, and do what everyone else has done. Forget your dream, they said. Life is hard enough without the heartbreak of following your heart, they said. You're too tender hearted and you need to face the hard realities of life, they said.

And at times I was tempted. I've trembled with fear when I expected to get bad news. I've been shaken to the core and lost my confidence in the face of setbacks. I've cried over lost opportunities, mistakes, and the frustration of moving so slowly. I've been racked with anger at people who seem to have it all, especially the things I want. I've flared green eyes of resentment at what they have and felt loathing fill my heart for them. I'm human.

But these were just short detours. I always came back around to believing in my dream, in the  good nature of people, and in the unconditional support of the entire universe to help me achieve my dreams. Not because I had proof that these things are true. But becuase that's how I'm wired. It's who I am to the core. I have bad days and I sometimes lose my way, but I always return back to myself. I always sit with wide-eyed wonder at the magnificence of the world and the journey of life I'm taking.

When I'm right with my own heart, I see the magic of life, the wonder of abundance around me, and the joy of small delights. I know that life is lived in the these small moments, like a string of pearls between the gemstones of life's milestone events. I do my best to breath in the goodness of  single moment of my life. To savor every bite of food. And let my eyes linger on the beauty that surrounds me.

And I always keep waiting here for you.

I've been expecting you. I have lots of ideas and resources ready to offer you. I've anticipated much of what you need from me. But I'm also open to hear your story, to listen to your true needs and desires, and deliver totally new things or make changes to anything I've already created. Nothing I've done is precious because I've made it. It only exists to help you, and with your stories, I can get laser clear about how to fine-tune them for you.

Because in the end, my heart is here to serve you. Everything I am, everything I've learned, and everything I've created has been in anticipation of serving you.

One of the greatest gifts I have for you is my respect for the journey. In my own life, I'm in love with my journey, and the mystery of how life unfolds its gifts to us and within us. I haven't always known how to show this respect, or appreciated the absolute central role it plays in my life. I still get off center from time to time. But as imperfectly as I embrace this value, never doubt that it's at the center of my heart, my life, and my message to you. It's how I live my life. It's at the heart of everything I do. Even when I don't execute it perfectly. And even when I'm tired and frustrated.

That doesn't mean that my goal is to make things easy for you. There will be times when my information provides a tough love truth that your soul collaborated with me to share. And much will be asked of you. Not by me, but by your own soul and your own life. I'm just the messenger. And I'm a good messenger because I, too, struggle with the same issues that you face. I'm a wounded healer. I'm sharing my own medicine with you, always administered with humility.

What really matters is your growth. You have dreams and goals, and those drive you forward. But behind them, what is really driving you is your soul seeking to express itself more fully in your heart and mind and body. It wants to fill you up with the very best of yourself. And that's what we are here to do together. We'll talk about your business and technology, but never forget that we are really meeting to help you reach the depths of your own soul.

I've put a light in the window for you. I've prepared things to welcome you, refresh you, and encourage you. And I'm prepared to create more after you arrive. In the menatime, I'm engaging my own life, listening to my own heart for guidance, and filling my hours reaching to the depths of my soul so I can be the best service vessel and the best messenger possible for you.

I'm so excited to meet you. I'm eager, but I'm patient because I trust that all things unfold in their own perfect timing along the journey of life.

Until we meet, I send my blessing out to you to encourage you along the road. May you hear my voice and catch a whiff of the freshness of my message in the wind.

With much love,

My Big Dream Shows Up

Talk about an amazing, life changing event. I had one.

I was at a conference and one of the speakers encouraged us to write down a dream, a big dream, on a card left for each of us. I've been working on these types of things for a few months, along with my life purpose. I've got some things I wrote down previously, but I always felt like there was something more.

In the literally 30 seconds he gave us to write it down, I had a mystical experience. I admitted to myself something I had never admitted before. I know what my big dream is. It's funny because the words I actually wrote down don't quite make sense. They are not quite English, but I know exactly what they mean.

I want to live a life that shows others what is possible, what personal and business success looks like.

It came as a bubble of thought and this is the best I could interpret it in that moment. And even now. But this is only the skeleton of the idea. And as I felt the bubble and reached for the words, I felt as if I had been struck by lightning. Expecially from the solar plexus to the root chakras. I felt electrified. Activated.

I felt a sob come up from deep inside me. And tears started pouring from my eyes even though I was calm emotionally. it was the movement of my spirit within in. I've felt something like this before.

There are so many thoughts that come along for the ride, like the end of yarn hanging off a big ball. Except there are many, may dangling ends. One of them is that I'm willing to be seen. One is that I want to be a role model. One is that I want people to think: if she can do it, I can do it. One is that I want to show the work/life balance in action.

For the last several weeks, maybe months, I've been aware that I have a new measure of success for my life. For the longest time, money has been the only measure of success that really mattered to me in the end. No matter how much I valued other things and achieved them, if there wasn't enough money attached, I didn't feel fulfilled. But recently, I realized this has changed. That I now see my business as a vehicle for my personal growth, a tool and a laboratory where I can dream, set goals, and then become someone greater than I am. And I'm so fascinated by this process that it's become more important to me than money. Which is great because the money hasn't been flowing as much as I want.

I wonder why this happened now, after so many years of me working on myself, really paying attention to things, and striving to be my best self for decades. Is this something that I wasn't ready to hear until now? Or was I so resistant that this is the first it could come through? I don't really care about the answer, at least not in the linear way. I'm just curious about the process, about how this works. What if I hadn't lived this long? I've got questions.

Later, i was reflecting on this bit of information, and I could see threads of it throughout my life.

When I shared my experience with Georgi, she said it didn't sound much like a dream, but more like a purpose. Whoa. That's got me thinking even more. What's the difference between a dream, a goal, and a purpose? I think purpose is about who we want to be. Dream is about what we want to do. And perhaps goal is how we accomplish a dream. I'm just thinking out loud here. I don't know the answer.

Receiving & Open Hearts

Where do I start?

It's been 18 months since I've written here and everything about my life is different. And in some ways, everything is still the same. I still have the same challenges. But I'm different. I'm processing things differently. I have a new mindset and a new strategy.

I need to chew on something that happened today.

I went to my mailbox and I couldn't open it. The key went it and turned, but the door wouldn't open. It was like something was up against the backside of the lock so it was jammed at the end, like it was being held closed. I wondered if I had a backlog of mail that big. It was possible, but not likely.

Discouraged, I went home. Then I decided to call the post office to find out how I go about fixing this. Turns out, the post office maintains my community boxes, so they would fix it. I would have to come in, fill out a form, and leave them a key. They would send someone out within a week to fix it and they would use my key to make sure everything was working. I told the guy I'd come by.

Well, I got to thinking about something he said about dirt getting into the lock. So I grabbed some WD-40 and a tack hammer and walked the block to the box. I started by lubing the key and turned it several times. Nothing different happened. The key turned but the door didn't open.

So I banged along the lower edge of the door and around the lock. And tried again. And then I banged a second time. This time, the door opened, but reluctantly. I could see that nothing on the inside was keeping it from opening. So I used the WD-40 to lube the key and the hinges. And I swung the door open and closed about 20 time. I could feel it loosening up.

I tested it by closing it (after I retrieved my mail). It opened reluctantly. So I ran my fingers along the closure at the top and bottom. It was certainly dirty. But there was no physical reason why it should stick. So I keep swinging it so the lube could work through.

When I felt it was not longer improving, I packed up my mail and tools and walked back home. Victorious.

I kept thinking about what had happened while I was doing other things. And there are rich ideas here.

First, this is a metaphor for receiving. The miracle of this story is that everything has already arrived, but I don't have it because I can't open my door. The door reminds me of my heart. And I know I've had a problem receiving things. I'm doing much better. But this event tells me that I still have more to go. But I'm close! I was able to open this door, and I took action to make sure I can open the door easier in the future. All of these are good indicators.

Second, I realized that I have never thought of this mailbox as mine. I never owned it. I never took any responsibility for it. I never considered that I should oil the hinges before it refused to open. I've lived here 10 years and I've never taken care of this. What else in my life do I take for granted that I should be maintaining. Respecting. Appreciating.

I normally think of myself as someone who does the maintenance. That's one of my great traits. This shows me that I still have things to learn. And that's a good thing.

So what does this event have to tell me.

A: I know there is more here. I know that you have something profound to share with me. I am paying attention and I'm ready to listen.
B: Listen to what?
A: Whatever you have to say.
B: That's not how this works.
A: I'm confused. The last time I asked questions, you didn't want to answer about half of them. I thought asking questions was the wrong thing to do.
B: You know better than that.
A: Was I just asking the wrong questions?
B: No. You just weren't asking questions from your heart. You were asking questions from your head. I don't answer brain questions, only heart questions.
A: I'm in a tough place. I've been in this tough place for a while. I wonder if I'm just a really slow learner or if actually doing quite well and I'm just not appreciating myself.
B: Which one is it?
A: I do know that I have places where I'm stuck, where it feels sometimes like I'm a slow learner. But I know that's just my impatience talking. I think I'm working through things pretty quickly, actually. When I look at my success journal, I'm blown away by the number of successes I have on most days. It feels like I'm in a huge growth spurt.
B: Is that really how it feels?
A: No. I think that some days I actually get a glimpse of how much work I'm doing and how well I'm doing and I'm blown away by it. I don't know if I usually do this well and I've just never appreciated it, or if I'm really processing more/better/faster these days.
B: Does it matter?
A: No. What matters is that I'm starting to appreciate myself. And I'm starting to create the structures where I can focus more on the things that I really want, so I can make more of them happen. There's less flailing around and more deliberate action.
B: Isn't that what you have been observing? That you are growing and leaving behind many people?
A: Yes. I'm okay with leaving them behind. I've always done that but I've never felt so positive about it. I used to secretly doubt myself when it would happen, or wish it wasn't so. Now I understand that when I'm ready to grow, I grow, and it' about me and no one else. The others will grow at their own time and pace. We may come back together, or we may not. And either way, its okay.
B: And it is unfolding perfectly.
A: Yes, but I feel myself bristle a bit with the idea of perfectly. Perfect always felt to me like an unattainable standard for measuring everything.
B: What is perfect just means appreciating the truth of what is?
A: And trusting that everything is unfolding as it should. That everything is always okay. That I can't make a wrong choice. Wow. Seeing the word "choice" there just sent me in a hundred deep directions at the same time.
B: Pull them in.
A: First, I realized that I've already make great progress assimilating many of those statements, and so that tells me to expect the others to become my bumper stickers in the near future. Wow.
Second, choice isn't about right or wrong. It's about selecting a desired outcome and moving toward it. If I'm always in motion with the goal, some choices take me closer and some take me the long way. But each choice moves me along the road. There's no wrong choice. Every choice is movement. It's just that some movements are obviously taking a shorter road, and some are obviously taking a longer road. But the distance doesn't matter. The learning is what's important. And the movement.
B: What else?
A: There are hidden consequences for each decision. Maybe consequences is the wrong word because that gets associated with punishment for mistakes made. There are unintended outcomes, surprise outcomes. Some may seem to be good and others may seem to be bad or unwanted. But the truth is that it's just part of the path. The path prepares me for the destination, and all of the outcomes are part of my education.
But what about when I make a poor choice?
B: What about it?
A: I mean when I know better and I still choose something that isn't in my best good.
B: How do you know what you best good actually is? Maybe you have only partially learned the lesson and so you make a choice to continue the lesson?
A: Oh, wow. Yes. Thanks. I'm ready to rest now.

Amazing Dream

First, I was walking around to talk to everyone about my career change. I said that I was restless, that I wanted to make a change to what I was doing. I was considering all kinds of options, incluidng a move to a different geography. I was looking for something I could do for the rest of my life that would engage me.

One idea was to go back to law school. One idea was to become a pharmacologist. I was talking to Jim Hill from high school who is an attorney. I asked him how hard law school really was, and he said it wasn't the classwork, it was the performanc aspect thata was the real challenge.

Then I asked him, if he had it to do over and money was no consideration, where wouldl he go to law school. I expected him to say Yale or Harvard. Buyt he surprised me by starting to wax eloquent about a small school outside o Churchill Downs. And I realized that he was talking about a little school in the heart of Kentucky, hardly a place I would consider as a legal hotbed. And I realized that what mattered most was the passion, the mindset of the school. The way they would form my thinking, not the name on the diploma.

Wow, that single idea is rich with more to explore. That's the important part of what I'm doing. I'm teaching people a mindset that will help them to succeed more than single tactics or quick tricks. Thats my real business strength. That's what sets me apart from others.

Now, the comment that Anita made to me yesterday, about how she looked at everything from the customer perspectrive, and how she created a whole set of items at once instead of th thing right in front of her becase I've trained her to think about the bigger picture, the entire process. That is actually one o the best things anyone has ever told me as feedback about the value o my work.

So in my dream, I realized that I was going to look for the subtle qualities of where I wanted to go for my career change. I was going to find an amazing place that maybe wasn't on th emap, so to speak, but offered something special. Someithing signiicant.

My next thought was: seeing myusel moving to Churchill Downs for school for several years, living in a small community, soaking up- the experinece, allowing mysel to be chnged forever by the experience of that life.

The next thought was: how will I fund myself living while I go to school? This is where the magic happened.

I saw myself setting an intention and creating a stream of money to fund that exp-erience. I felt the electgrity o that experience. And I realized that with that intention, there were words: That I waqs setting myself up to prove that I could create something from nothing, and so, I would have to lose it all to rebuild it again. It was electric and it was creation, but it was limited and it had built into in a struggle.

And I lreaized that I've already lo9st everything, and that I was able to create things from nothing from where I am today. And with my arms out like a conductor, I made a bigger motion, the intention was bigger, the effect was biggter, and the results were huge. And not only huge, they didn't include tghe setup of energyto need to lose it to prove mysel again.

I saw beore me the jar system and realized that not only had I created the funds for myproject, I had created real wealth that I could use to power mysel to any goal I had. I could say that I remade myself from nothing to everything. And because I had already done it once, I didn'[t have to  prove it later.

Therre is a tie in here to the Tibetan monk story Donna told me about the diamondcutter business. It's about proving to myself that these principles work, and that I have mastered them because I have used them to create the impossible from a place where nothing else could have been working in my favor.. I know that I did it myself using these principles.

Tghen I had a vision for the product I saw today and a business model I can use to create an amazingh income stream or my business. I can use that product to act as an app developer for small businesses that are creating conetnt. I can give them a platform forcreatin an app that bypasses the normal develop0ment processes and gets themup and running right now without the time or expense or hassle of creating their own app. I can use this product to create income or myself that can be asymetric because no one needs to know how much effort it takes to create it. I can sell it for the value it provides to the business without regard to the efort I invest.

This is an important negotiating tool for me with this company.
Vision for cre3ating the funds to finance this change.

Shift between just getting the money and being funded. Power conducting.

Creating an income stream from the SW product by setting up and selling aps to content creators/curators.

Success List for Saturday, March 23

Here's what I accomplished today:

1. I weighed myself to see the impact of my dinner splurge last night. I wasn't afraid to face the truth.
2. I struggled with wanting to eat more today, but I managed myself well.
3. I made a huge change in the office. I've shifted a lot of energy and I'm on my way to reclaiming my office for myself.
4. I have this sense that next week is going to be amazing. That I'm going to be shocked by how things work out.
5. I came up with some good strategies for marketing my next webinars.

Reclaiming My Space & Life

After several weeks of overworking, I slept for 14 hours last night. It felt great to sleep until I woke up.

I realized something over the last few day. I've been feeling hungry all of the time. At least that is how I've been explaining my feeling. But I realized that what I'm feeling is my metabolism at a higher rate. It has to do with energy and not with hunger or appetite. But my instinct is to want to eat.

Now that I realize this, I'm free to reframe the experience and think about it differently.

I think I could munch on carrots if I'm really having a physical reaction and want to deal with it on that level.

I can choose how I want to experience this. Cool.

So when I got up, I went into my office. I had this vision for sorting through a few of the notebooks on the shelf above my desk. I wanted to organize my webinar notes, too. I dove in and went much deeper. I tossed a lot of things, and sorted out a lot of things that are not important any more.

At one point, I had so much going on that I started to get a little overwhelmed. So I stopped and shifted gears. I didn't get back to that task today. But I'll wrap it up tomorrow. It's good to make so much progress in one day. Or weekend.

Piece by piece, my life is coming back together.

Coincidence

So Tuesday, I cleared off my desk. And today, I got 4 new clients.

That's not a coincidence. It's the way energy works.

Wow. Thanks for the reminder.

Success List for Sunday, March 17

1. I completed a committment I made even though it was tough and even though I wanted to give up. I completed it with excellence. I'm proud of the work I did.
2. I gave myself time to take care of myself today. Not perfectly, but mostly I listened to what I needed and did it. And I have a plan for doing more of this, getting more rest, over the next few days.
3. I meditated and took care of my mouth today.
4. I allowed myself the pleasure of listening to Brene Brown and really feeling what her words brought up for me. I realized that I've been allowing myself to be more vulnerable over the last few months and I felt proud of that.
5. I've gained a new sense of committment to my journey tonight, and am setting my energy into motion to support it.
6. I pulled weeds in the front yard.
7. I caught myself when I started to get cranky with mom. I wasn't upset with her, and I'm glad I caught it.
8. I loved petting and brushing the cat today.

Raw and Vulnerable

My buttons have been pushed. I'm aware that I'm raw and vulenrable just below the surface.

Yesterday while reaching my Twitter article, I visited the account of a woman I had hoped would become a friend several years ago. I noticed her friendly outgoing way with the people in her community. I felt jealous. I felt unloved. I felt that I was somehow less than those people.

It didn't matter that my brain could explain a lot of things to me. That this woman is broken in ways that I can see, that she's really not the right kind of person for me. All I could feel was the pain of the rejection of a friendship that I thought I wanted.

What is that about?

I feel that way frequently. There are several people that are in my orbit where I can feel that sort of outsider pang of loneliness. I reached out to another one of them a few months back and when I suggested getting together, she immediately shut me down. That pain is the same as this one.

What is this about?

I know that I'm hungry for friendship. I know that I'm going through a phase where I'm feeling a little lost and forgotten by the world. My best energy work, my best efforts to manage myself and keep myself on track can't prevent me from admitting that I feel this way.

And I wonder. Am I really not a right fit for so many people around me? Or is there another reason why I am going through this. Is there something really off about me?

I understand that I live in a world of cause and effect, that my energy pings around and bounces around ineffective until I learn how to master it. What does this feeling, these women, have to teach me about myself? Can I find the real value of this experience so I can heal and move forward?

When I think about Squamish, I realize that I'm doing it again. I'm failing to show up in a big way in my own life. I'm in fear about that event. And the crazy, insane crazy thing is that I've already paid for it. I've already taken the hit. You would think that I'd relax and be excited about it.

What can this event teach me about myself?

After listing to Brene Brown, I'm so much more prepared to allow myself to be vulnerable. To feel this and allow myself to have this experience. And how do I balance these feelings with what I know--that I must manage my energy and stay focused on the good, on what's right in my life, if I want to really become who I want to be and live the life I feel is waiting for me!

I'm willing to do this work.

I've already started it, but I'm jumping in with both feet right now.

Success List for Sunday, March 3, 2013

Here's what I did amazing today:

1. I tried a new recipe, chicken tortilla soup.
2. I put some of the new chicken to use today.
3. I had some new ideas about products I can create and sell.
4. I started my newsletter and I like where it is going.
5. I'm doing a great job updating my business processes as I work through them.

I had a breakthrough tonight. I realized that the calm and peace that people tell me they hear in my voice comes from my years of meditation and spiritual practice. There is so much that I have already figured out. I get distracted by the lawn mower effect in my own life and forget that I am actually doing very well. Sure, there are things I'm working on. But the largest part of what I am isn't broken. In fact, it's pretty amazing.

Remember this!

Success List for Satuday, March 2, 2013

It's day 1 of a working weekend, but it's been a really good day. I worked until I was tired, and then rather than go to bed, I went out to run errands. And now I'm going to bed.

Here's today's list:

1. I not only feel how things are improving, I can see real evidence of it in my business planning.
2. I got the idea to reach out to put ads on art blogs, found some people to try, and then emailed a dozen as a start. I think it's a great idea.
3. I found some washi tape on clearance!
4. I was able to get a lot of groceries without spending a lot of money. I got more than 10 pounds of chicken for just about $5. 
5. I've found a stack of recipes that I can use to start cooking the chicken.
6. I caught myself a few times today running into a whirlwind of vinegar. And I pulled myself out each time.
7. I have been thinking about not saying anything to my client about the rate issue. Instead, I'm putting the energy out there for her to expand rather than contract.
8. Whatever my client does, I know that I'm expanding and I'm going to be great.
9. I've decided to expand my ebook course to 4 sessions and I'm going to charge $199 for the course. I've got ideas about what I'm going to put into the expanded time, too.
10. I feel such energy around the art journals. I feel so confident that they are going to really take off.
11. I spent a little more time picking up and organizing the supplies in the family room. It feels grat to have so much accomplished.
12. I got great customer service tonight at the grocery and I told the front end manager about it.

The Importance of Daily Habits & Clarity

Today, I read something that really made me think. It's a quote that says something like: It's not the things you do occasionally that matter. It's the things you do every day.

That really emphasizes the important of new habits. I'm putting some great new habits into place. But I really want to do more. And those words inspire me to do more. To do all I can see I can do.

There are a few things that I have not put into place that I know would help me. I'm not really sure why I'm so reluctant. I'm not so much resistant as reluctant. It's my conditioned mind clinging to the comfort zone. I see that. And I'm grateful that I feel its so easy to make the best choice.

And I will. I'm starting now.

I'm a little confused about my weight loss amount. I can clearly see where I avoid the stark truth around this area. That changes today. I see the truth, and I'm adjusting to focus on it and speak it clearly. I'm staying with the WW app numbers, but I clearly know that I started lower. My goals are set for the true starting number. That's how I'm going to keep it clear.

It's interesting to see how I get fuzzy about this issue. I wonder if I do the same thing in other areas.

I can feel that I'm making more money right now! It feels awesome. I know I can keep finding ways to make even more as the weeks and months go by.

Here's my list for today:

1. When I realized I was double booked for next week, I called and moved my client appointment. And I had a good call with my client.
2. My free consultation was a huge success! People need three things: practical information, a vision, and encouragement. I'm so fortunate that I can give them all three.
3. I spent time thinking about new ways to advertise my business. I experimented with a few Facebook ads. I'm going to run a few of them.
4. I decided to stay home from my event tonight because I really wanted to do some things for myself. I invested the entire evening and got so much done and organized. It took much longer than I suspected, but now I can get right to everything. And I have a system for holding things that need to be put away.
5. I paid all of my bills!

Success List for February 28, 2013

My success list for today:

1. I listened to my intuition and attended a conference call that totally inspired me. I'm sure this guy has attended some of Peak Potentials workshops. He has the language and energy of that work. I really appreciated the refresher.
2. I spontaneously posted online that I was going to give two 30 minute consultations away and someone took me up on it. The call is scheduled for tomorrow. I'm not sure why, but that post was seen by over 400 people!
3. Everyone I spoke to today, I had a whole list of great things to share.
4. I finished the work for the client project. It was a day late, but it was done with excellence.
5. When I realized the conference call had not been recorded because of my error, I laughed.

Success List for February 27, 2013

Today, I found success through these:

1. I allowed myself to work at the pace and intensity that felt healthy. I didn't push myself to meet the schedule I had created for the day.
2. I found several creative options for resolving the technology challenge for my upcoming class.
3. I made a great connection between Greg and Chris that hopefully will land work for Greg and a working solution for Chris.
4. I allowed myself the pleasure of purchasing some new materials for my books.
5. I was inspired by the beauty of the graphic design examples I found.
6. I started to create a new graphic identity for the art business.
7. I got the idea to send a follow up envelope with an assortment of goodies. Even the envelope will be one of the goodies.
8. I took good care of my teeth.
9. I found a dinner option out that was nutritious, filling, and within my food plan.

Success List for Monday, February 25

1. I had excellent materials ready for my client meeting, things that surprised her and delighted her with how close we are coming to having her vision become reality in this area of her business.
2. I was able to listen to my client's personal challenges today with an open heart. I was able to share some of her burden of her bad news, and to help her find a solution to two practical challenges she faced.
3. I processed a new business challenge with a great perspective. I acknowledged my emotional pain over it, but made a strong, practical business decision.
4. I took action throughout the day to take care of myself and attend to my needs.
5. I listened to my intuition and connected with a person who was able to help me find what I needed so my shopping trip was successful.
6. I was able to recommend a friend for a job that could be a wonderful fit for her.
7. I reached out to have lunch with someone who I know wants to spend time with me.
8. I processed a business disappointment quickly and made a decision about my course of action that provides a real solution, and not just indulges my emotional reaction.

Happy Days

I'm happy for no reason. Or rather, the reason that I'm happy is because I choose to be happy.

It's easy sometimes to focus on what's not quite right or what hasn't yet appeared in my life. But it only takes a little effort to switch from looking at those things to looking at all of the things that are good and right and pleasing.

As I write this, I'm sipping a big mug of hot tea, rose tea that I purchased at a time when I could indulge the little luxuries of that price point. And yet my life today is still filled with little luxuries. I can take a warm bubble bath any time I want and light the room up with candles. I can dry off with a fluffy towel and put on lotion that nourishes my skin and my soul. And this is just one little experience.

Today, I commit anew to raising the quality of my life in a conscious way. I choose to look for ways I can indulge my senses, refresh my mind, and recharge my soul in the small moments of my day. I can move from one luxurius small moment to another in my days. I can make my life to be anything I want.

My intention today is to focus my heart and mind on the lovely, luxurious elements of my life, and to string together those experiences into small moments where I feel the fullness of the abundance of the universe. I do this with the purpose of reconnecting my body, mind and spirit with the source of my life and my higher self. I do this to remember who I truly am in the midst of the life I'm currently living.

When I look at my life and my current situation from the perspective of my eternal soul, it seems like a grand adventure. And I wonder why I take some parts of it so seriously. It's not so serious. When my heart feels the burdens of responsibilities, I remember that I'm free and I choose to be here in this moment having this experience... and the burden lifts away and is replaced with joy.

It's about relaxing into the moment. It's about accepting things exactly as they are. It's about feeling the joy and beauty of what I want to create and letting it go, knowing that the universe is working to pull all of my dreams into my current  reality--and it doesn't need my help. In fact, my help isn't help at all. It's an anchor to the current moment, the one I'm really wanting to release it its perfect reality to allow the next moment to slip in.

Excellence. I want to bring a spirit of excellence with me into everything I do. I want to come from my wisdom and greet every situation, task and person with kindness, compassion, understanding, and attention to detail. Let my behavior show my intention to all who have eyes to see it. Let my actions ring true to the circle of my heart. Let my words land lightly and bring light to all who hear them. And let my works inspire others with their beauty and harmony to breathe in the abundance of the universe in that moment of time.

So it is.

I Woke Up Angry Today

I'm not sure what I dreamt last night, but I woke up angry this morning. In fact, I woke up having an angry conversation with the board.

I am angry with them. I read the minutes from the strategy session and almost every function has added in a responsibility for social media to help them accomplish their own work. And yet, none of them are using social media. They somehow think that it's my job to contribute to their job. And it's not.

Even with C on the board, there is still almost no board participation on social media. It's as if they believe that someone just giving me this job, I make magic happen and they don't have to get their hands dirty. They've all delegated it to me.

I'm actually quite angry about this. So angry that I'm thinking about resigning tonight.

Maybe I should. I'm in an impossible situation with them. I'm out there doing some great stuff for them, and none of them are participating. I don't believe anyone on the board has even read a single thing I've posted on Facebook since September, and that number is almost to 200. Out of nearly 200 posts, I don't know that any board member has even read a single one.

So why am I wasting my time?

I've given them 6 months. Someone has to start the ball rolling. And in six months, I can tell you that I'm still the only one participating.

Why am I wasting my time?

Am I mad at them, or myself?

I'm working really hard for them, full bore, the way I do everything. And it's not that I don't feel appreciated. It's not appreciate that I'm looking for. I don't want someone to pat me on the head once a month and say good job. What I want is to see growth and stirring in the community. I want to see results from the seeds I'm planting. I understand that it is a process, that I do my part, and that through collaboration, what I do grows and expands.

If these guys were clients, I would fire them right now.

They are not my people.

I feel like I've given them more than a year to grow and learn and step up. And in all this time, there has been zero growth on their side. And to be fair to them, zero visible growth. Some of them may actually have changed, but not enough that its visibile. None of them is using social media for their own business.

In fact, the entire list of 1400 people they send emails out to reach, very few of them care about social media or use it. Even Anita has disappeared from my webinars.

I think I've received all of the benefit I'm going to receive from participating in this group, and perhaps in this industry.

I'm not mad at any of them as individuals. They are who they are. And they are basically nice enough people.

I'm mad because I find myself surrounded by an attitude that I hate. I can't stand people who don't take responsibility for their life, their business, and their world. I'm not the hired help. I'm not the person who does the undignified things at the edges of their world.

That's how I feel I'm being treated.

Not by them. None of them is treating me with disrespect. They are treating my function with disrespect. They treat their own businesses with disrespect. These are not my people.

So why am I here?

I agreed to do this job for the first year. And things went so slowly that I agreed to return this year. The only real benefit I get is exposure to their design community list. And I can advertise that I'm on the board when I reach out to other designers.

So here's what I'm going to do.

1. I'm going to create a list of requirements. If you want something posted on social media (event or photo or whatever) here's what you have to provide me with. Thoses requests have to come by email because they have to had a web address or attachments.
2. I'm going to actively seek out other design industry clients using my board credentials for the rest of this year.
3. I'm going to cut back and do the bare minimum of work for them.
4. I've already stopped giving discounts for my work. I've stopped maintaining the boad page on my site and I'm going to update it one more time with a listing of my services for designers.

In the meetings, I'm going to speak my truth from the heart when I feel something must be said. The rest of the time, I'm just going to observe them, and see what I can learn about their energy. I'm also going to start taking notes about how to work with trade organizations in the future. I want to squeeze every bit of value from this experience.

Perhaps I can write an ebook about how to help your trade organization make the leap into social media. Perhaps I should sell this ebook.

I can also use what I'm learning to help me focus on topics that small business people wrestle with to build their online business presence. While these are not my people, they can help me see what non-technical people struggle with.

The next question is about who I want to be.

I don't want to be angry because I'm in this situation. Anger is a knee-jerk reaction, a way to reclaim my power in a situation where I feel powerless. I'm not powerless. In fact, I'm in control here. I can choose how I'm going to look at this situation, to choose the frame for viewing these events and people. I know that they are not my people, and yet I'm here with withm. I could chose to remove myself gracefully. Or I can choose to stay for a whilte to meet my own objectives.

I can choose to see them as frightened people who live in a very small world. That is sad, eventhough it is their own choice. How many times to each of us find ourselves in a box in our lives. That's a uniform human condition. It's what we do next that shows our character. I don't know what any of them will choose, and I might not be around to see what they choose.

In the meantime, I choose to be a voice for empoweerment, not for tearing them down. I choose to be a light in the darkness rather than blame them for their darkness. That never hlps anyone find the light. I choose to believe the best for them, that at any time they can make the choice to start doing better.

Some of them will surprise and delight me. I eagerly await that miracle.

Am I done being angry? I hope so.

Success Lists

Thursday
December 13
1. I worked hard and long but stopped when I realized I was truly fading.
2. I spoke my truth with Ronaldo and shared my feelings.
3. I completed work for Pentimento and sent out an invoice right away.
4. I reached out to Casey and made sure she knows that I love her.
5. I added comments to the MMI questions on Facebook that show my motivation and character.

Wednesday
December 12
1. I figured out how to fix the headset microphone not working.
2. I acted quickly in the moment to resolve the technical problem with the webinar.
3. I didn't let the technical glitch stop me. When I got things resolved, I recorded the webinar without the audience.
4. I stayed up late and got up early to make sure I was ready for the webinar.
5. I prioritized keeping this list and got caught up.

Tuesday
December 11
1. I spoke my truth at the board meeting about helping people take their business to the next level.
2. I let Sylvia know how much I appreciate and respect her.
3. I found a great balance between all of my work, appointments, and taking care of myself.
4. I kept an open heart in my dealings with the board.

Millionaire Mind Intensive

There's no way for me to record even the highlights of my weekend experience at the MMI event, so I'm going to find a way to capture some of the outcomes here.

When I got home, as I was crawling into bed, I heard these thoughts running through my head that wanted to pull me back into a smaller mindset. I dismissed them. When I awoke in the middle of the night, again I heard these thoughts that were freaking about about changes I've made and decisions I've made -- by comparing them to my smaller mindset. Again, I chose not to follow those thoughts.

And then I realized: that's the voice of my conditioned mind!

So my first success today is that I recognized the voice of my conditioned mind!

And my second success is that I chose not to give into those thoughts. Instead, I said: Thank you for sharing and returned back to my larger mindset.

SETTING MY FINANCIAL GOAL

Next, I set my financial goal for 2013. I decided I want to make 10 times what I used to make which I rounded off to $600,000. I realize that I could make more, and I could make less, but this goal feels right. I'm almost tingling with anticipation to see how this is going to unfold.

Then, to anchor the energy a bit, I started working out what my budget would look like at that income level. I could restore my financial health, build up my business, support my personal growth, and help mom with that level. That's a great feeling! That's my first goal!!

With my give, I had the idea to give my nieces and nephews each $5K in a 401K and explain how they can borrow against it. That would be an amazing gift!

FREE FROM SADNESS

Because of all the work I did around Dad, I jumped over to see how I feel about him and my last conversation with him. The sadness is gone!

I decide for me.

HONORING MY METAPHOR

Now, I want to decide what I'm going to do with my exercise metaphor. I want to honor how I've broken through my resistance to my success. I'm thinking about using a shadowbox. It's an idea I'm liking. Let's see what happens next.

OTHER PEOPLE

It was an interesting weekend in terms of the people I met and what I observed about them.

I met some really nice women. A few of them I feel could become friends. But I also recognize that they are not playing the game at the same level I am. I recognize that I'm ready to take actions that they are not ready to take. That's okay. But I really want people around me who are courageous and will inspire me to keep taking actions in my own life. I'm just not sure what I think about any of them in terms of spending much time with them.

I so appreciate the time that L took to work with me. I recognize it was only 10 minutes of her time, and yet it has made a huge difference for me. I'm so grateful for her generosity and I take in the blessing of that gift. Thank you, universe, for bringing me such a wonderful gift and for helping me to be prepared to accept it.

I just realized that what I really want in my life is intimacy. I don't mean to put such high restrictions on who can be my friend. That level of interaction, that kind of integrity, is what I want in intimate relationships. I'm really okay with friends being just where they are. I still expect some compassion and integrity, but I don't need that kind of intimacy with all of my friends.

I'm happy to help and inspire them. I'm happy to have that be my gift to them.

I've certainly learned in the last few years about how it helps me to help others. I love that. I'm open and willing to collaborate with others with the goal of our mutual benefit.

GOALS
1. Recognized my conditioned mind.
2. I didn't listen to my conditioned mind.
3. I set my financial goal so high that I will know it's not a mistake when I reach it.
4. Shared my workshop experience with another person.
5. I recognized when I was getting tired today and stopped working.

I'm Done Trying To Make Things Work

It's been an interesting day and night.

I wish I could sleep. But at the same time, I'm enjoying the revelations I've been having as I smooth out my energy around a few challenges in my life.

Let's start there.

I have a couple relationships with challenges either now or in the recent past. The interesting thing is that I'm not upset about them. I can clearly see where the challenges have come from, and I don't feel responsible for either the problems or the solutions. I feel removed from the situations. I can see where I've contributed to the challenges, but mostly what I feel is that everyone is just doing their best and these were inevitable.

Yes, I do feel that I'm not playing the same game as these other people. We are not equally matched, and I understood that from the beginning. I like them. I see who they are. And I see that we are like people living on different floors of a building with only an empty elevator shaft to connect us. Some of the time, the differences don't matter because they don't enter the picture. But eventually, the differences do appear and when they do, there isn't anything to be done. Everyone is already doing their best.

I'm not mad at these people for misunderstanding me or making conclusion that they project onto me. I can see that they cannot do it differently. I don't feel any need to explain myself or justify myself, either. It's almost like the difficulties don't really matter to me. And it feels a little like I'm moving forward without them. Without resolution. But I'm not angry, and they are free to join me at any time in the future, with no questions asked, with no explanation needed.

It's odd because I feel one of them stewing a bit about this and can almost hear the conversation on the other side, laying out for me everything I've done wrong, expecting me to listen to all of my offenses. And I suppose some action is also wanted. But I'm not interested in hearing about what anyone thinks I've done wrong. Because I know my intentions are clear and that I've been misunderstood and not seen clearly. It's not that I don't care about how the other person feels. It's that I know I'm not responsible for it.

I don't intend to sit through any sort of meeting where I'm blasted with the perspective of the other side and then expected to do something. I can't really say that I'm sorry that the misunderstanding has even happened because I don't feel I've contributed to it. I can see it was inevitable. I don't expect the people on the other side to change or understand me. What I'd like is for each of them to process it on their own and come to their own conclusion about the value of the relationship to them, and the act accordingly.

This whole thing is odd to me, and it's the first time I've felt like I'm in this situation.

I can remember times in the past when I was the person on the other side, and I expected to be heard and listened to and I expected some sort of almost apology for the fact that they contributed to my feeling this way. But I see with crystal clarity tonight that every time I feel something in response to someone else, it's truly about me and not them. Even if they meant to hurt me.

It's almost like I understand tonight that no one else owes me anything in any relationship. That if I like what's going on, if I can play the game at the highest possible level, I can enjoy every relationship no matter what is going on. No matter what the other person is doing. And if I can't play the game at the highest possible level, I need to step back and smooth out my own energy and come back when I am available at that level.

Of course, I'm also free to just keep going in my own life without those people, too.

It's feeling odd, but I must admit, it also feels extremely centered and balanced, and like I've just taken a huge step forward. Like this truth has been just out of my reach for a while, and I've just reached it.

It's a profound understanding of the interaction between self-reliance and independence within relationships. Detachment and intimacy at the same time.

I knew I needed to get up and write here. I've ploughed through many more layers since I've been writing than I was able to reach just thinking about it. My truism is still true: If you want to really learn something, write about it.

As I was smoothing out my energy with one person earlier, I was thinking through a whole list of releases. Things I am releasing this person from. Permission I am giving them to take any action they feel is best. I don't have any expectations of the shape of the relationship going forward.

But in the process of doing that, of making those releases, I found that I also released myself from something in my work that has been distracting me.

I am no longer willing to coax people to do what is in their best interest.

I have suddenly become totally the tough love person. If you want to do something, and you want some help, I'm available. But it's not my job to help you get a vision for what you can do and what is possible for you.

What a sense of freedom this gives me from my potential (and current) client list! When they are ready, they will call me. Or they won't call me. Or they will call someone else. No matter what happens, it doesn't matter. I'm off doing my own work. If they are a match for me, if they want to play the game at my level, I'm here. I'm available, I'm willing to be generous with my insights, advice, and support. But only when they show up ready to work and play the game at my level.

I don't want to ever have another new client meeting like I had on Saturday. Or like I did last Tuesday where I got my soapbox and told them the hard truth about how they are playing instead of running a business.

Instead, I want to recognize earlier that these are not my people and make the choice not to spend my time or energy with them. I want to free myself to keep working on my business, to keep raising the level of where I play my own game. No more investing time with potential clients who interrupt me just as I'm ready to tell them the truth. No more trying to make things work that don't fit together.