My Story

I'm ready to assess and rewrite my story.

In my business, I love that I get to help people make the adjustments that get them aligned with their dreams. They have done the hard work of getting their dreams into motion. They are hitting roadblocks and obstacles that keep them at a distance from having their dreams come true. I come along and help them to put together the strategy and tools and attitudes that take them over the top. They have baked the cake, I show them how to add the frosting.

I love seeing unique situations and getting the chance to find the pin, the pivot point, so people can use their own energy and momentum to reach past their stuck places and grab that brass ring.

In my business, I show up every day with love for my clients. I have a general process and strategy for problem solving, but every day has freshness and lets me put together the pieces in a new way for a new situation.

What I do helps other people reach their dreams, and I love knowing that a little of their soul's happiness splashes back on me as they reach and exceed their goals and dreams.

I know that I help people. I know I provide great services with smarts and heart in eqaual measure. I love working with them, and they know that I truly care about their business and their goals. They feel that I love them and their bsuinesses.

I love that I'm important to them for a stage in their process. I provide valuable assistance and insights that they can't provide for themselves. They have reached the end of what theey can do. I show them how to break through the barriers they face. That experience of breaking through teaches them skills and gives them the courage to dive into their business and dreams in a new, refreshed way. I'm important to them for a season, and then they are on their own again, putting it all into practice in their own ways, with their own style. And I'm on to new clients and new challenges.

My Refuge

I love this blog.

I came out here earlier this week to write, and now, I'm back again. It's so nice to be back. For so long, everything I've been doing has been public. My blogging is public and about generating traffic. It's so nice to come back to a place where I can just be me and let my hair down. In the online world, that is such a treat. And that is why I've gone to such an effort to make this blog anonymous.

It feels good to have a place where I can just think and type and let the inner voice drip out of my fingers as fast as I can type. I've missed this. I've missed having a regular time and place for reflection.

I'm not in one of my best places.

There are many things around me and inside me that are not quite what I want for myself. The chall;enge is to be happy where I am as I make plans to make improvements. The trick is to focus on the journey. I can feel the shift in my energny just from starting to make the changes. That is enough! Yes, the outcomes will be great when they get here. But in the meantime, I can feel the joy of the process, and do my best to clear up the energy of the spaces around me to support those changes. It's time to reconnect with my tools and processes and get back to being the person I am on the inside. The person who knows this three diminisional reality is an illusion and lives accordingly. I've never forgotten this, but it certainly hasn't been my primary focus for a long time.

I'm feeling the energy of having a number nine house for sure!

Right now, there is a lot of mystery, but I've also had a lot of mastery, so it's just a matter of remembering, of reclaiming, and then finding myself back on top of the wave. I'm still in the water with my surf board. It's just a little bit of logistics to get back where I want to be, in the zone.

I can do this! I'm in the process of reinventing myself back in this space.

It seems like I live my life along a sine wave. Peaks and valleys. Energy shifts at the turning points. The path of the earth is a sine wave, so maybe this is a solid metaphor for life as well. I've been slipping, things have been tough and getting tougher for a while. But the energy has shifted and things are truly getting better. It's going to take some time to renew and refresh and get back my former good habits. But I can and will do this and it won't take much effort or time. It will be easy.

I'm really proud of my character. I'm not yet who I want to be, but I see glimpses of a kinder, gentler person shining through all of the time. I'm really proud of who I've become. I like myself more today than I ever have.

Less Flailing, More Surrender

It's been an interesting time in my life.

In the last month or so, I've broken two teeth, had an extraction, a root canal, and gum surgery on one side of my mouth. Tonight, I either broke another tooth, or lost a filling.

I've had a plumber out because there is no hot water in my shower, only to have hot water each time he came.

My desktop crashed two nights ago, only to be working fine when it arrived at a friend's for repair.

I fired my accountant 10 days before my taxes had to be filed by the extension. I've interviewed and not hired an accountant, and now I've hired an accountant.

I've had more scorpions in the house than I like. One appeared to me energetically in my sleep at the entry point. Christine suggested that it might be my shadow totem.

I'm not sure how I'm going to pay November's bills.

And yet, I'm relatively calm and collected this week as I've traveled through the computer crash and now more teeth damage.

September was a really tough patch in the road for me. I hit a new low in confidence and found my way back from the edge. My new mantra is: less flailing, more surrender. It reminds me that wasting energy on emotional reactions doesn't help me grow or even problem solve. Instead, I need to embrace a wide-eyes factual view of the reality in the context of faith. The universe is either a nurturing and supportive place, or it isn't. And if I say I believe it is, there is no need to panic or flail. I need to keep treading water as I wait for the storm to pass, and the sun to break through again.

I certainly didn't need more dental problems or this week's computer problems. But perhaps these events were necessary to really give me the opportunity to sail through, cool as a cucumber, and to demonstrate my faith and inner peace. I am strangely proud of myself tonight. I can almost feel my guides around me smiling. Perhaps I have hit bottom now and things really will turn around. I could sure use some of that!

In the last three years, I've really learned a lot. I am feeling the huge mass of it before me now, and I'm surprised by the amount of it. Before this time, I might have suspected that I believed I was in control because I always had a plan, a solution, a way to make things better. But I had cut myself off from my humanity, my vulnerability, and my heart's depth. I was living a negotiated life. I was living on a movie set instead of living my adventure. I see that now.

Sometimes I imagine people who are living their lives, insulated from the economic challenges of the times, and I can't imagine their lives. I envy them, I must admit, working on their budgets and plans, feeling competent and powerful, making things happen. I remember when I felt like that. A part of me still wishes I felt like that.

But I'm confident that as I get over my shock and the wounds heal, that I'll appreciate the richness and new depth that I've reached in this stage of my journey. And one day, I'll look at my life and feel in my depths appreciation for everything I've gained during this time of shocking loss. And because I know that is my future, I can start to embrace those feelings right now. Tonight. I have no idea how the solution will unfold, but I do know tonight that the solution is already seeking me as I am seeking it. It's just about exercising my surrender muscle without flinching until the events of my life no longer cause me to jerk flinch in response. Until I can breath in and out, taking in the fullness of life with each breath, and feeling my place in the universe.

All is truly well.