It's always interesting to see what I wrote the last time I was here.
Just this week, I have the last appointment to fix my teeth from that event. It ended up to be 4 broken teeth and nearly $15,000 to repair the damage. I had no idea when I wrote the previous post the extent of the damage, the size of the bill, or the length of the treatment plan.
It's been a journey.
For severall years, I have felt like the magic was gone from my life. I used to feel that my life was blessed, that I could really just think of something and it would suddenly appear in my path. Not perfectly. My life was full of imperfections, but the level of magic made me feel so happy and so much appreciation for my life.
Then the magic seemed to evaporate.
Then hard times set in. It has pushed me to rething my entire life. It has also pushed me to clean up bad habits and thought patterns which I had just allowed to stick around. It was like cleaning out the basement. I kept reaching back for my faith, my trust, that all was well in my world. I would stumble, pick myself up, and set back out.
I've arrived where I am today thanks to perserverence, and the momentum of truly good things in my life.
Today, I've still got some evidence of the hard time in my daily living. But mostly, I see signs of a magical spring. The magic is returning to my life. It's gone from a trickle to a steady stream. I've not yet erased the signs of the hard times, but I feel for the first time like I can returnn to my previous life. It hit me on Friday and I literally felt the wind beneath my wings. The optimism was so strong that the feeling stayed with me for days.
That's why I'm here tonight. I want to record the magic being back. The twinkle is back in my eye. The spring is back in my step. I'm looking forward with a great sense of potential. I'm starting the dream again.
I'll be back to write more about the journey to this place, and the lessons I've learned in the last few years.
But for now, it's enough to just sit and breathe into this feeling of being connected to the magic of life. Of my life. And the feeling thgat life is good.
Showing posts with label blessing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessing. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, October 07, 2011
Less Flailing, More Surrender
It's been an interesting time in my life.
In the last month or so, I've broken two teeth, had an extraction, a root canal, and gum surgery on one side of my mouth. Tonight, I either broke another tooth, or lost a filling.
I've had a plumber out because there is no hot water in my shower, only to have hot water each time he came.
My desktop crashed two nights ago, only to be working fine when it arrived at a friend's for repair.
I fired my accountant 10 days before my taxes had to be filed by the extension. I've interviewed and not hired an accountant, and now I've hired an accountant.
I've had more scorpions in the house than I like. One appeared to me energetically in my sleep at the entry point. Christine suggested that it might be my shadow totem.
I'm not sure how I'm going to pay November's bills.
And yet, I'm relatively calm and collected this week as I've traveled through the computer crash and now more teeth damage.
September was a really tough patch in the road for me. I hit a new low in confidence and found my way back from the edge. My new mantra is: less flailing, more surrender. It reminds me that wasting energy on emotional reactions doesn't help me grow or even problem solve. Instead, I need to embrace a wide-eyes factual view of the reality in the context of faith. The universe is either a nurturing and supportive place, or it isn't. And if I say I believe it is, there is no need to panic or flail. I need to keep treading water as I wait for the storm to pass, and the sun to break through again.
I certainly didn't need more dental problems or this week's computer problems. But perhaps these events were necessary to really give me the opportunity to sail through, cool as a cucumber, and to demonstrate my faith and inner peace. I am strangely proud of myself tonight. I can almost feel my guides around me smiling. Perhaps I have hit bottom now and things really will turn around. I could sure use some of that!
In the last three years, I've really learned a lot. I am feeling the huge mass of it before me now, and I'm surprised by the amount of it. Before this time, I might have suspected that I believed I was in control because I always had a plan, a solution, a way to make things better. But I had cut myself off from my humanity, my vulnerability, and my heart's depth. I was living a negotiated life. I was living on a movie set instead of living my adventure. I see that now.
Sometimes I imagine people who are living their lives, insulated from the economic challenges of the times, and I can't imagine their lives. I envy them, I must admit, working on their budgets and plans, feeling competent and powerful, making things happen. I remember when I felt like that. A part of me still wishes I felt like that.
But I'm confident that as I get over my shock and the wounds heal, that I'll appreciate the richness and new depth that I've reached in this stage of my journey. And one day, I'll look at my life and feel in my depths appreciation for everything I've gained during this time of shocking loss. And because I know that is my future, I can start to embrace those feelings right now. Tonight. I have no idea how the solution will unfold, but I do know tonight that the solution is already seeking me as I am seeking it. It's just about exercising my surrender muscle without flinching until the events of my life no longer cause me to jerk flinch in response. Until I can breath in and out, taking in the fullness of life with each breath, and feeling my place in the universe.
All is truly well.
Monday, September 01, 2008
The House Blessing
My work life is changing. I see the potential for a gap in my schedule as I focus on finding new kinds of work and new clients. I've decided that I will leverage what I already know, slice it up in a different way, and see if I can generate an income stream from it. Right now, the biggest ideas are for a handful of ebooks I could write and sell.
For some time, I've been thinking about writing an ebook about what I've learned on space clearing and feng shui. It's something I've been using in my own life for almost 15 years, and while I'm not an expert, I do have information that other people might find interesting or valuable. I've started mapping out the possible contents for this book.
At the same time, I manifested an opportunity to do a space clearing/home blessing for someone I've just met. I did the event last night, and my experience of it is fresh. So here is the story of my preparation and conducting the session.
To start, I pulled out my space clearing tools and spent some time thinking about each of them. Things like: when did I purchase the item, why did I want it, how do I use it, etc. Then, I grabbed the space clearing book I bought 10 years ago and reviewed a few of the chapters. I made some quick notes, things that struck me as fundamental, things I had forgotten, and some of my own ideas triggered by what I read. I spent a few days re-reading this information, formulating ideas in my mind about what I might do.
The day before the ceremony, I pulled out all of my tools and the things I thought I might want to use. I pulled them together and spent a little time with them.
The day of the ceremony, I started my personal preparation. I gathered the tools in front of me and started to set up my altar. I started my prayers and set my intentions for the work. Using my notes and the ideas I had percolated, I started to create the order of events and decide which tools I would use for each portion of the ceremony. Then, I ran through what I was going to do and say a few times, very loosely, wanting to save most of the energy for the event. However, I felt so strongly into the event at this point, I knew that everything I was doing was part of the ceremony. I was in that sacred space. When I had outlined my events and selected my tools, I started pulling them together and putting them into the container for transportation.
At this point, I had decided I wanted to gift the homeowner with some aromatherapy, so I pulled out my oils and moved to the kitchen counter. I selected the oils and started assembling the mix. When that was finished, I added her oil to the transportation box.
One interesting point is that I realized at this point that I was getting guidance, and I remember thinking: If I forget the matches, it is okay because I have a lighter in the truck. Funny thing, that thought was actually guidance telling me that I was forgetting to pack the matches. I discovered that later at the site, and did go out to the truck to get my lighter. I got the guidance, I just didn't quite realize what was happening. I had to laugh when I realized it later.
I am flexible and accomodating, so when I arrived at the ceremony, I took the pulse of the homeowner and her participant and gauged my actions towards the window I felt was available. I sensed that they were not so open, even though I was told through words that they were open, to some alternative views. I could just feel it, a rigidity in thought. As a result, I shifted what I had planned to do to stay more traditional. Not so much my actions, but my words. It through me off a bit, but it had an interesting learning for me. I ended up praying a more traditional Christian prayer, something I haven't done for a very long time. The thoughts I created, the wishes that came, were different to fit the situation. It was as if I was thinking in a different language, and some ideas were just no longer available to me. That was the first surprise. The second one: I was totally in the same sacred space saying those prayers with words and thoughts that were actually foreign to my path and walk. I have felt for some time that I could translate my faith into something that Christians could understand, that I could walk on the common ground, and I found through experience that was true. It's a pretty big understanding. I need to think about this a bit more.
I showed up in the same sacred space but almost like I was a different player in the play. I had different thoughts as well as different words. But I was on the same stage I normally find myself.
I felt I was very casual and open during the ceremony. I wasn't off task, but I was very transparent and open as I went through the process. Perhaps too transparent if I'm going to continue doing this kind of work. And perhaps the ceremony lasted too long. I might be able to figure out a way to accomplish the same work with fewer steps so the length is shorter and the event is more structured.
There came a point when I knew the clearing was done. I almost didn't finish clearing the house in that pass, I started to return to the altar and the homeowner pointed it out to me. I realized I was totally following the energy of the event and not a schedule. I also decided to skip the last step, partly because I just knew it was done, and partly to shorten the time. I need to think some more about the structure. I think I could use fewer clearing modalities and accomplish the same work. Perhaps I should take all four and then only use the one(s) that I feel are needed. Some are stronger than others, each has a slightly different purpose. They are each a different actor on the same stage, eh?
They had a refreshment afterward. I think that is a good thing to have at the end, a small breaking of bread with something sweet to end the ceremony. Think about that.
I used solar purified water for the event, and I could feel the difference.
At the end, I had them read their prayers/wishes/intentions for the house, and we burned them in the sage bowl. I used the Tibetan chimes at the end of each one. At one point, at exactly the moment I hit the chimes, the smoke detector went off at exactly the same pitch. It sounded for a moment as if the chime was sounding on a different plane of existence and we were able to hear that. It was a magical moment. We did realize it was the smoke detector, and at that second, it cut itself off. The homeowner opened two doors at that point so we didn't have any more smoke issues.
I hadn't thought through the sage smoke issue very well. I guess it was because I don't have any issue here in this house with the smoke. But that is something I will have to think through a bit more.
I need to create a very strong opening and closing for the event. It was stream of consciousness throughout. I think I did a good job with the open and close, but I would do better if I developed more of a boilerplate message for each end and used it each time. I would be more grounded and sure that I had accomplished the start and close clearly and with the greatest human impact.
I didn't do some of the things I normally do, and some of the things I intended to do. I intended to consciously expand my energy to fill the space at the start, and it just didn't cross my mind that it was time to do that. Also, I didn't do some of the prayers I usually do, inviting in the keepers, etc. I think part of the reason for both of this omissions is because I had been in sacred space for several hours at that point. I normally take those actions as I step into sacred space. I had already called them in, I knew they were already with me. Just more to think about.
The homeowner's friend took many pictures throughout the ceremony. I was amazingly unselfconscious. I am curious to see my energy in those pictures, to see if there is anything I can see in them.
For some time, I've been thinking about writing an ebook about what I've learned on space clearing and feng shui. It's something I've been using in my own life for almost 15 years, and while I'm not an expert, I do have information that other people might find interesting or valuable. I've started mapping out the possible contents for this book.
At the same time, I manifested an opportunity to do a space clearing/home blessing for someone I've just met. I did the event last night, and my experience of it is fresh. So here is the story of my preparation and conducting the session.
To start, I pulled out my space clearing tools and spent some time thinking about each of them. Things like: when did I purchase the item, why did I want it, how do I use it, etc. Then, I grabbed the space clearing book I bought 10 years ago and reviewed a few of the chapters. I made some quick notes, things that struck me as fundamental, things I had forgotten, and some of my own ideas triggered by what I read. I spent a few days re-reading this information, formulating ideas in my mind about what I might do.
The day before the ceremony, I pulled out all of my tools and the things I thought I might want to use. I pulled them together and spent a little time with them.
The day of the ceremony, I started my personal preparation. I gathered the tools in front of me and started to set up my altar. I started my prayers and set my intentions for the work. Using my notes and the ideas I had percolated, I started to create the order of events and decide which tools I would use for each portion of the ceremony. Then, I ran through what I was going to do and say a few times, very loosely, wanting to save most of the energy for the event. However, I felt so strongly into the event at this point, I knew that everything I was doing was part of the ceremony. I was in that sacred space. When I had outlined my events and selected my tools, I started pulling them together and putting them into the container for transportation.
At this point, I had decided I wanted to gift the homeowner with some aromatherapy, so I pulled out my oils and moved to the kitchen counter. I selected the oils and started assembling the mix. When that was finished, I added her oil to the transportation box.
One interesting point is that I realized at this point that I was getting guidance, and I remember thinking: If I forget the matches, it is okay because I have a lighter in the truck. Funny thing, that thought was actually guidance telling me that I was forgetting to pack the matches. I discovered that later at the site, and did go out to the truck to get my lighter. I got the guidance, I just didn't quite realize what was happening. I had to laugh when I realized it later.
I am flexible and accomodating, so when I arrived at the ceremony, I took the pulse of the homeowner and her participant and gauged my actions towards the window I felt was available. I sensed that they were not so open, even though I was told through words that they were open, to some alternative views. I could just feel it, a rigidity in thought. As a result, I shifted what I had planned to do to stay more traditional. Not so much my actions, but my words. It through me off a bit, but it had an interesting learning for me. I ended up praying a more traditional Christian prayer, something I haven't done for a very long time. The thoughts I created, the wishes that came, were different to fit the situation. It was as if I was thinking in a different language, and some ideas were just no longer available to me. That was the first surprise. The second one: I was totally in the same sacred space saying those prayers with words and thoughts that were actually foreign to my path and walk. I have felt for some time that I could translate my faith into something that Christians could understand, that I could walk on the common ground, and I found through experience that was true. It's a pretty big understanding. I need to think about this a bit more.
I showed up in the same sacred space but almost like I was a different player in the play. I had different thoughts as well as different words. But I was on the same stage I normally find myself.
I felt I was very casual and open during the ceremony. I wasn't off task, but I was very transparent and open as I went through the process. Perhaps too transparent if I'm going to continue doing this kind of work. And perhaps the ceremony lasted too long. I might be able to figure out a way to accomplish the same work with fewer steps so the length is shorter and the event is more structured.
There came a point when I knew the clearing was done. I almost didn't finish clearing the house in that pass, I started to return to the altar and the homeowner pointed it out to me. I realized I was totally following the energy of the event and not a schedule. I also decided to skip the last step, partly because I just knew it was done, and partly to shorten the time. I need to think some more about the structure. I think I could use fewer clearing modalities and accomplish the same work. Perhaps I should take all four and then only use the one(s) that I feel are needed. Some are stronger than others, each has a slightly different purpose. They are each a different actor on the same stage, eh?
They had a refreshment afterward. I think that is a good thing to have at the end, a small breaking of bread with something sweet to end the ceremony. Think about that.
I used solar purified water for the event, and I could feel the difference.
At the end, I had them read their prayers/wishes/intentions for the house, and we burned them in the sage bowl. I used the Tibetan chimes at the end of each one. At one point, at exactly the moment I hit the chimes, the smoke detector went off at exactly the same pitch. It sounded for a moment as if the chime was sounding on a different plane of existence and we were able to hear that. It was a magical moment. We did realize it was the smoke detector, and at that second, it cut itself off. The homeowner opened two doors at that point so we didn't have any more smoke issues.
I hadn't thought through the sage smoke issue very well. I guess it was because I don't have any issue here in this house with the smoke. But that is something I will have to think through a bit more.
I need to create a very strong opening and closing for the event. It was stream of consciousness throughout. I think I did a good job with the open and close, but I would do better if I developed more of a boilerplate message for each end and used it each time. I would be more grounded and sure that I had accomplished the start and close clearly and with the greatest human impact.
I didn't do some of the things I normally do, and some of the things I intended to do. I intended to consciously expand my energy to fill the space at the start, and it just didn't cross my mind that it was time to do that. Also, I didn't do some of the prayers I usually do, inviting in the keepers, etc. I think part of the reason for both of this omissions is because I had been in sacred space for several hours at that point. I normally take those actions as I step into sacred space. I had already called them in, I knew they were already with me. Just more to think about.
The homeowner's friend took many pictures throughout the ceremony. I was amazingly unselfconscious. I am curious to see my energy in those pictures, to see if there is anything I can see in them.
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