I Woke Up Angry Today

I'm not sure what I dreamt last night, but I woke up angry this morning. In fact, I woke up having an angry conversation with the board.

I am angry with them. I read the minutes from the strategy session and almost every function has added in a responsibility for social media to help them accomplish their own work. And yet, none of them are using social media. They somehow think that it's my job to contribute to their job. And it's not.

Even with C on the board, there is still almost no board participation on social media. It's as if they believe that someone just giving me this job, I make magic happen and they don't have to get their hands dirty. They've all delegated it to me.

I'm actually quite angry about this. So angry that I'm thinking about resigning tonight.

Maybe I should. I'm in an impossible situation with them. I'm out there doing some great stuff for them, and none of them are participating. I don't believe anyone on the board has even read a single thing I've posted on Facebook since September, and that number is almost to 200. Out of nearly 200 posts, I don't know that any board member has even read a single one.

So why am I wasting my time?

I've given them 6 months. Someone has to start the ball rolling. And in six months, I can tell you that I'm still the only one participating.

Why am I wasting my time?

Am I mad at them, or myself?

I'm working really hard for them, full bore, the way I do everything. And it's not that I don't feel appreciated. It's not appreciate that I'm looking for. I don't want someone to pat me on the head once a month and say good job. What I want is to see growth and stirring in the community. I want to see results from the seeds I'm planting. I understand that it is a process, that I do my part, and that through collaboration, what I do grows and expands.

If these guys were clients, I would fire them right now.

They are not my people.

I feel like I've given them more than a year to grow and learn and step up. And in all this time, there has been zero growth on their side. And to be fair to them, zero visible growth. Some of them may actually have changed, but not enough that its visibile. None of them is using social media for their own business.

In fact, the entire list of 1400 people they send emails out to reach, very few of them care about social media or use it. Even Anita has disappeared from my webinars.

I think I've received all of the benefit I'm going to receive from participating in this group, and perhaps in this industry.

I'm not mad at any of them as individuals. They are who they are. And they are basically nice enough people.

I'm mad because I find myself surrounded by an attitude that I hate. I can't stand people who don't take responsibility for their life, their business, and their world. I'm not the hired help. I'm not the person who does the undignified things at the edges of their world.

That's how I feel I'm being treated.

Not by them. None of them is treating me with disrespect. They are treating my function with disrespect. They treat their own businesses with disrespect. These are not my people.

So why am I here?

I agreed to do this job for the first year. And things went so slowly that I agreed to return this year. The only real benefit I get is exposure to their design community list. And I can advertise that I'm on the board when I reach out to other designers.

So here's what I'm going to do.

1. I'm going to create a list of requirements. If you want something posted on social media (event or photo or whatever) here's what you have to provide me with. Thoses requests have to come by email because they have to had a web address or attachments.
2. I'm going to actively seek out other design industry clients using my board credentials for the rest of this year.
3. I'm going to cut back and do the bare minimum of work for them.
4. I've already stopped giving discounts for my work. I've stopped maintaining the boad page on my site and I'm going to update it one more time with a listing of my services for designers.

In the meetings, I'm going to speak my truth from the heart when I feel something must be said. The rest of the time, I'm just going to observe them, and see what I can learn about their energy. I'm also going to start taking notes about how to work with trade organizations in the future. I want to squeeze every bit of value from this experience.

Perhaps I can write an ebook about how to help your trade organization make the leap into social media. Perhaps I should sell this ebook.

I can also use what I'm learning to help me focus on topics that small business people wrestle with to build their online business presence. While these are not my people, they can help me see what non-technical people struggle with.

The next question is about who I want to be.

I don't want to be angry because I'm in this situation. Anger is a knee-jerk reaction, a way to reclaim my power in a situation where I feel powerless. I'm not powerless. In fact, I'm in control here. I can choose how I'm going to look at this situation, to choose the frame for viewing these events and people. I know that they are not my people, and yet I'm here with withm. I could chose to remove myself gracefully. Or I can choose to stay for a whilte to meet my own objectives.

I can choose to see them as frightened people who live in a very small world. That is sad, eventhough it is their own choice. How many times to each of us find ourselves in a box in our lives. That's a uniform human condition. It's what we do next that shows our character. I don't know what any of them will choose, and I might not be around to see what they choose.

In the meantime, I choose to be a voice for empoweerment, not for tearing them down. I choose to be a light in the darkness rather than blame them for their darkness. That never hlps anyone find the light. I choose to believe the best for them, that at any time they can make the choice to start doing better.

Some of them will surprise and delight me. I eagerly await that miracle.

Am I done being angry? I hope so.

Anger and My Angry Friend

I have an angry friend.

The reasons my friend is angry has nothing to do with me. It's part of what he is going through in this stage of his life. He's a good guy, and quite aware, so I'm sure that he is going to figure this out and heal the wound and the pain that plague him now.

When I'm with him, I feel uncomfortable hearing his anger. His thoughts are distorted. He thinks in black and white, condemning everything he things about. From what I observe, he stubbornly clings to his anger with self righteousness. He feel justified to be so angry. And yet his actions and choices and thought only handcuff him to more of the same. He is really unwilling to release himself from this self-made prison.

I am a different kind of person. I can't ever remember being that angry. My heart was always more teachable than his. Even at times when perhaps I should have been angry and used that anger to stand up for myself, I didn't. I always felt that I was being taught something by the circumstances. When I do get angry, it blows white hot and then passes quickly. Once it is gone, it is gone. I don't hold a grudge, or even remember being angry later.

Perhaps I learned to be teachable in part from my father, who would get frustrated and rage at anyone around. He didn't strike anyone, but he yelled and verbally attacked. I learned at an early age the importance of moving away from the focus of his anger. Like me, he would blow hot and it would be over. No apologies, but it was truly over. I see my brother doing something similar, but I give him complete credit for this: he apologizes for his outbursts.

I think my mutable water nature is mostly the reason for my lack of anger. I also have very little fire energy. So more than the environmental factors, I think I am just cut from a different bolt of fabric. This also makes it harder for me to just sit with my friend's anger. I know the benefit of releasing it and moving on. But I can't help anyone else. I don't know why I can't remember that when I'm looking into the eyes of a friend who is suffering. I can only answer questions when they are asked. I can't provide clues or answers before then because they only appear as annoying noise.

I can completely separate myself from his anger and his state. Even being with him, I don't feel influenced by his anger. I also feel safe. I know that even if he gets frustrated with me, I'm safe with him. That is important. I feel detached from him and his anger in the same way I feel detached from a friend who insists that the waiter return their meal to the kitchen several times. It's not met, it's them. I'm very clear about that.

I've realized the last two times I've had lunch with him that I really don't know how to act in this situation. I really fumble and don't know what to say because nearly everything I say ends up frustrating him. I'm not afraid to be his friend through this phase, I just don't seem to know how to be his friend right now.

So today when I got back, I wrote him an email and said that I didn't know how to be his friend right now, that I realize what I'm doing is adding to his frustration, and that I want to know how to be his friend. I got back a very sweet note from him about his appreciation for my friendship. His advise for me, as I summed it up, is to just listen and don't talk. Don't try to comfort him. Don't be logical. I can do this.

I'm not sure if I am odd with my anger, if most people are like my friend, or just how it plays out. I've not been around such anger before. It's not my favorite thing (as I'm sure it is not his favorite thing). We process our emotions very differently. I'm grateful for this opportunity to learn something new. I find myself really hoping that I don't need to use it very much in the future. I prefer to spend time with people who are more like me, who are geared to learn from situation, to submit to the higher wisdom of myself in challenging situations. I don't want to be an angry friend to people, and I hope I always remain the kind of person who seeks the growth opportunity. I'm sure I won't do that perfectly, but it is my goal.