I've just had one of those amazing experiences. Something important has shifted and I can't quite explain it. I know for sure it has happened, but it happened on a level where my brain can't quite process it with words. Yet I find myself here, trying to use words, to capture the importance of this moment and this realization.
Suddenly, I see glimpses into my recent history with understanding. Things that haven't quite made sense as they were happening now seem completely reasonable and knowable from this vantage. I understand now that I'm always going to be walking through the fears and insecurities and mistakes of this life because those things are part of being human. And yet I know I am much more than merely human. I identify with the larger part of me, the part that transcends these things. It like I forget that I can't live my life at that level, I must live my life as a human. But I am guided by the wisdom and understanding of the higher level. I have conscious access to that part of myself, what a gift that is.
What understanding I can have in the midst of human level confusion. What wisdom I can employ when making decisions and choosing my path between conflicting opinions. I can tap into the higher perspective, and I can do my best to live from that higher perspective. But I can't maintain it. I live on the bridge between these two worlds. I can live in the higher world for moments of time, and I find myself living in the human world for longer stretches, but in truth, my life is on the bridge.
I haven't understood this in this way before, even if I have used the same words, they now mean something different to me. My soul has had an experience that changes everything, coming outward from the core of me.
Was John my soul mate? It's a very good question. In my imagination, I can adjust the details of our interaction and he becomes a more profound and more intense interaction. Is that true or not? I believe I can change my experience with him so it is true. I can rewrite my history, tell a different story, and it becomes a different history, I become a different person. Perhaps it impacts John in the same way. Perhaps it allows him to become the man he wanted to be at that time, the man he had a vision to be, but in his humanness, he didn't quite manifest with me. If that is the case, it is a gift I give to both of us.
The story we tell is indeed important. It sets us free to be the person we want to be and perhaps it even allows for those who interact with us to be free to choose to be the person they also want to be. Maybe it is never too late to have a happy childhood, as someone once said.
I see the people in my life very differently as well. I see that I need to step back from them all as much as possible. I need to receive whatever they have to give and not ask things of them that they can't give. That's what I have done in the past, whether I meant to or not. Oh, guide me so that I can find my way on that path because I have stumbled so many times. Show me how to be that person, the one who mostly assesses correctly what is fair to ask of others. I'm willing to continue to make mistakes, but please show me how to master this part of myself so I can be more effective when I don't make a mistake.
Show me how to ground this energy and work with it. Show me how this changes me forever. Show me how to live my life as this person I see clearly tonight. Show me because I want to be a deliberate, conscious person. I want to travel a path of intention with intent, and I want to share what I learn with those around me. I want to be effective in working with myself and with others. I want to honor the essence and truth of who I am. I want to honor the path that I walk. I want to live the truth that I know, not just hold it in my head, but live it, breathe it, and let it radiate from every cell of my body with integrity. My soul knows how to be, I want to live in harmony with my own soul. I want to be true to myself.
Thank you for this experience tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment