A Love Letter To My New Clients

Hello

For my entire adult life, I've been preparing to meet you.

Week in and year out, I've been learning things. Things about how to run a successful business. Things about how to use business technologies. And things about how to share what I know. I've reached the point in my career where I'm ready to turn from running hard to reach my own goals, and turn back to help others who are coming up behind me.

That's how we are going to meet.

You may not recognize me at first glance. You may have to hang out a bit to listen to me talk for a while, before you realize that we have been on a collision course to meet for some time. But it will happen. There will be a spark, a moment when you know that you've found a connection.

Or maybe you will recongize me right away. Maybe the first glimpse you get of my work will call out to you, like a spring of water in the desert.

Either way, I want you to know that my heart is waiting for you. I understand the challenges of working hard, being alone, and struggling to turn your dream into your daily reality. That's been my life, too. I don't know the specific details about you, but I know your story. Because I have the same story.

I've dreamt a big dream for my life.

My friends and family never hesitated to tell me that it was a foolish dream. They encouraged me to take the safe route, to stop my chasing after windmills, and do what everyone else has done. Forget your dream, they said. Life is hard enough without the heartbreak of following your heart, they said. You're too tender hearted and you need to face the hard realities of life, they said.

And at times I was tempted. I've trembled with fear when I expected to get bad news. I've been shaken to the core and lost my confidence in the face of setbacks. I've cried over lost opportunities, mistakes, and the frustration of moving so slowly. I've been racked with anger at people who seem to have it all, especially the things I want. I've flared green eyes of resentment at what they have and felt loathing fill my heart for them. I'm human.

But these were just short detours. I always came back around to believing in my dream, in the  good nature of people, and in the unconditional support of the entire universe to help me achieve my dreams. Not because I had proof that these things are true. But becuase that's how I'm wired. It's who I am to the core. I have bad days and I sometimes lose my way, but I always return back to myself. I always sit with wide-eyed wonder at the magnificence of the world and the journey of life I'm taking.

When I'm right with my own heart, I see the magic of life, the wonder of abundance around me, and the joy of small delights. I know that life is lived in the these small moments, like a string of pearls between the gemstones of life's milestone events. I do my best to breath in the goodness of  single moment of my life. To savor every bite of food. And let my eyes linger on the beauty that surrounds me.

And I always keep waiting here for you.

I've been expecting you. I have lots of ideas and resources ready to offer you. I've anticipated much of what you need from me. But I'm also open to hear your story, to listen to your true needs and desires, and deliver totally new things or make changes to anything I've already created. Nothing I've done is precious because I've made it. It only exists to help you, and with your stories, I can get laser clear about how to fine-tune them for you.

Because in the end, my heart is here to serve you. Everything I am, everything I've learned, and everything I've created has been in anticipation of serving you.

One of the greatest gifts I have for you is my respect for the journey. In my own life, I'm in love with my journey, and the mystery of how life unfolds its gifts to us and within us. I haven't always known how to show this respect, or appreciated the absolute central role it plays in my life. I still get off center from time to time. But as imperfectly as I embrace this value, never doubt that it's at the center of my heart, my life, and my message to you. It's how I live my life. It's at the heart of everything I do. Even when I don't execute it perfectly. And even when I'm tired and frustrated.

That doesn't mean that my goal is to make things easy for you. There will be times when my information provides a tough love truth that your soul collaborated with me to share. And much will be asked of you. Not by me, but by your own soul and your own life. I'm just the messenger. And I'm a good messenger because I, too, struggle with the same issues that you face. I'm a wounded healer. I'm sharing my own medicine with you, always administered with humility.

What really matters is your growth. You have dreams and goals, and those drive you forward. But behind them, what is really driving you is your soul seeking to express itself more fully in your heart and mind and body. It wants to fill you up with the very best of yourself. And that's what we are here to do together. We'll talk about your business and technology, but never forget that we are really meeting to help you reach the depths of your own soul.

I've put a light in the window for you. I've prepared things to welcome you, refresh you, and encourage you. And I'm prepared to create more after you arrive. In the menatime, I'm engaging my own life, listening to my own heart for guidance, and filling my hours reaching to the depths of my soul so I can be the best service vessel and the best messenger possible for you.

I'm so excited to meet you. I'm eager, but I'm patient because I trust that all things unfold in their own perfect timing along the journey of life.

Until we meet, I send my blessing out to you to encourage you along the road. May you hear my voice and catch a whiff of the freshness of my message in the wind.

With much love,

My Big Dream Shows Up

Talk about an amazing, life changing event. I had one.

I was at a conference and one of the speakers encouraged us to write down a dream, a big dream, on a card left for each of us. I've been working on these types of things for a few months, along with my life purpose. I've got some things I wrote down previously, but I always felt like there was something more.

In the literally 30 seconds he gave us to write it down, I had a mystical experience. I admitted to myself something I had never admitted before. I know what my big dream is. It's funny because the words I actually wrote down don't quite make sense. They are not quite English, but I know exactly what they mean.

I want to live a life that shows others what is possible, what personal and business success looks like.

It came as a bubble of thought and this is the best I could interpret it in that moment. And even now. But this is only the skeleton of the idea. And as I felt the bubble and reached for the words, I felt as if I had been struck by lightning. Expecially from the solar plexus to the root chakras. I felt electrified. Activated.

I felt a sob come up from deep inside me. And tears started pouring from my eyes even though I was calm emotionally. it was the movement of my spirit within in. I've felt something like this before.

There are so many thoughts that come along for the ride, like the end of yarn hanging off a big ball. Except there are many, may dangling ends. One of them is that I'm willing to be seen. One is that I want to be a role model. One is that I want people to think: if she can do it, I can do it. One is that I want to show the work/life balance in action.

For the last several weeks, maybe months, I've been aware that I have a new measure of success for my life. For the longest time, money has been the only measure of success that really mattered to me in the end. No matter how much I valued other things and achieved them, if there wasn't enough money attached, I didn't feel fulfilled. But recently, I realized this has changed. That I now see my business as a vehicle for my personal growth, a tool and a laboratory where I can dream, set goals, and then become someone greater than I am. And I'm so fascinated by this process that it's become more important to me than money. Which is great because the money hasn't been flowing as much as I want.

I wonder why this happened now, after so many years of me working on myself, really paying attention to things, and striving to be my best self for decades. Is this something that I wasn't ready to hear until now? Or was I so resistant that this is the first it could come through? I don't really care about the answer, at least not in the linear way. I'm just curious about the process, about how this works. What if I hadn't lived this long? I've got questions.

Later, i was reflecting on this bit of information, and I could see threads of it throughout my life.

When I shared my experience with Georgi, she said it didn't sound much like a dream, but more like a purpose. Whoa. That's got me thinking even more. What's the difference between a dream, a goal, and a purpose? I think purpose is about who we want to be. Dream is about what we want to do. And perhaps goal is how we accomplish a dream. I'm just thinking out loud here. I don't know the answer.

Receiving & Open Hearts

Where do I start?

It's been 18 months since I've written here and everything about my life is different. And in some ways, everything is still the same. I still have the same challenges. But I'm different. I'm processing things differently. I have a new mindset and a new strategy.

I need to chew on something that happened today.

I went to my mailbox and I couldn't open it. The key went it and turned, but the door wouldn't open. It was like something was up against the backside of the lock so it was jammed at the end, like it was being held closed. I wondered if I had a backlog of mail that big. It was possible, but not likely.

Discouraged, I went home. Then I decided to call the post office to find out how I go about fixing this. Turns out, the post office maintains my community boxes, so they would fix it. I would have to come in, fill out a form, and leave them a key. They would send someone out within a week to fix it and they would use my key to make sure everything was working. I told the guy I'd come by.

Well, I got to thinking about something he said about dirt getting into the lock. So I grabbed some WD-40 and a tack hammer and walked the block to the box. I started by lubing the key and turned it several times. Nothing different happened. The key turned but the door didn't open.

So I banged along the lower edge of the door and around the lock. And tried again. And then I banged a second time. This time, the door opened, but reluctantly. I could see that nothing on the inside was keeping it from opening. So I used the WD-40 to lube the key and the hinges. And I swung the door open and closed about 20 time. I could feel it loosening up.

I tested it by closing it (after I retrieved my mail). It opened reluctantly. So I ran my fingers along the closure at the top and bottom. It was certainly dirty. But there was no physical reason why it should stick. So I keep swinging it so the lube could work through.

When I felt it was not longer improving, I packed up my mail and tools and walked back home. Victorious.

I kept thinking about what had happened while I was doing other things. And there are rich ideas here.

First, this is a metaphor for receiving. The miracle of this story is that everything has already arrived, but I don't have it because I can't open my door. The door reminds me of my heart. And I know I've had a problem receiving things. I'm doing much better. But this event tells me that I still have more to go. But I'm close! I was able to open this door, and I took action to make sure I can open the door easier in the future. All of these are good indicators.

Second, I realized that I have never thought of this mailbox as mine. I never owned it. I never took any responsibility for it. I never considered that I should oil the hinges before it refused to open. I've lived here 10 years and I've never taken care of this. What else in my life do I take for granted that I should be maintaining. Respecting. Appreciating.

I normally think of myself as someone who does the maintenance. That's one of my great traits. This shows me that I still have things to learn. And that's a good thing.

So what does this event have to tell me.

A: I know there is more here. I know that you have something profound to share with me. I am paying attention and I'm ready to listen.
B: Listen to what?
A: Whatever you have to say.
B: That's not how this works.
A: I'm confused. The last time I asked questions, you didn't want to answer about half of them. I thought asking questions was the wrong thing to do.
B: You know better than that.
A: Was I just asking the wrong questions?
B: No. You just weren't asking questions from your heart. You were asking questions from your head. I don't answer brain questions, only heart questions.
A: I'm in a tough place. I've been in this tough place for a while. I wonder if I'm just a really slow learner or if actually doing quite well and I'm just not appreciating myself.
B: Which one is it?
A: I do know that I have places where I'm stuck, where it feels sometimes like I'm a slow learner. But I know that's just my impatience talking. I think I'm working through things pretty quickly, actually. When I look at my success journal, I'm blown away by the number of successes I have on most days. It feels like I'm in a huge growth spurt.
B: Is that really how it feels?
A: No. I think that some days I actually get a glimpse of how much work I'm doing and how well I'm doing and I'm blown away by it. I don't know if I usually do this well and I've just never appreciated it, or if I'm really processing more/better/faster these days.
B: Does it matter?
A: No. What matters is that I'm starting to appreciate myself. And I'm starting to create the structures where I can focus more on the things that I really want, so I can make more of them happen. There's less flailing around and more deliberate action.
B: Isn't that what you have been observing? That you are growing and leaving behind many people?
A: Yes. I'm okay with leaving them behind. I've always done that but I've never felt so positive about it. I used to secretly doubt myself when it would happen, or wish it wasn't so. Now I understand that when I'm ready to grow, I grow, and it' about me and no one else. The others will grow at their own time and pace. We may come back together, or we may not. And either way, its okay.
B: And it is unfolding perfectly.
A: Yes, but I feel myself bristle a bit with the idea of perfectly. Perfect always felt to me like an unattainable standard for measuring everything.
B: What is perfect just means appreciating the truth of what is?
A: And trusting that everything is unfolding as it should. That everything is always okay. That I can't make a wrong choice. Wow. Seeing the word "choice" there just sent me in a hundred deep directions at the same time.
B: Pull them in.
A: First, I realized that I've already make great progress assimilating many of those statements, and so that tells me to expect the others to become my bumper stickers in the near future. Wow.
Second, choice isn't about right or wrong. It's about selecting a desired outcome and moving toward it. If I'm always in motion with the goal, some choices take me closer and some take me the long way. But each choice moves me along the road. There's no wrong choice. Every choice is movement. It's just that some movements are obviously taking a shorter road, and some are obviously taking a longer road. But the distance doesn't matter. The learning is what's important. And the movement.
B: What else?
A: There are hidden consequences for each decision. Maybe consequences is the wrong word because that gets associated with punishment for mistakes made. There are unintended outcomes, surprise outcomes. Some may seem to be good and others may seem to be bad or unwanted. But the truth is that it's just part of the path. The path prepares me for the destination, and all of the outcomes are part of my education.
But what about when I make a poor choice?
B: What about it?
A: I mean when I know better and I still choose something that isn't in my best good.
B: How do you know what you best good actually is? Maybe you have only partially learned the lesson and so you make a choice to continue the lesson?
A: Oh, wow. Yes. Thanks. I'm ready to rest now.

Amazing Dream

First, I was walking around to talk to everyone about my career change. I said that I was restless, that I wanted to make a change to what I was doing. I was considering all kinds of options, incluidng a move to a different geography. I was looking for something I could do for the rest of my life that would engage me.

One idea was to go back to law school. One idea was to become a pharmacologist. I was talking to Jim Hill from high school who is an attorney. I asked him how hard law school really was, and he said it wasn't the classwork, it was the performanc aspect thata was the real challenge.

Then I asked him, if he had it to do over and money was no consideration, where wouldl he go to law school. I expected him to say Yale or Harvard. Buyt he surprised me by starting to wax eloquent about a small school outside o Churchill Downs. And I realized that he was talking about a little school in the heart of Kentucky, hardly a place I would consider as a legal hotbed. And I realized that what mattered most was the passion, the mindset of the school. The way they would form my thinking, not the name on the diploma.

Wow, that single idea is rich with more to explore. That's the important part of what I'm doing. I'm teaching people a mindset that will help them to succeed more than single tactics or quick tricks. Thats my real business strength. That's what sets me apart from others.

Now, the comment that Anita made to me yesterday, about how she looked at everything from the customer perspectrive, and how she created a whole set of items at once instead of th thing right in front of her becase I've trained her to think about the bigger picture, the entire process. That is actually one o the best things anyone has ever told me as feedback about the value o my work.

So in my dream, I realized that I was going to look for the subtle qualities of where I wanted to go for my career change. I was going to find an amazing place that maybe wasn't on th emap, so to speak, but offered something special. Someithing signiicant.

My next thought was: seeing myusel moving to Churchill Downs for school for several years, living in a small community, soaking up- the experinece, allowing mysel to be chnged forever by the experience of that life.

The next thought was: how will I fund myself living while I go to school? This is where the magic happened.

I saw myself setting an intention and creating a stream of money to fund that exp-erience. I felt the electgrity o that experience. And I realized that with that intention, there were words: That I waqs setting myself up to prove that I could create something from nothing, and so, I would have to lose it all to rebuild it again. It was electric and it was creation, but it was limited and it had built into in a struggle.

And I lreaized that I've already lo9st everything, and that I was able to create things from nothing from where I am today. And with my arms out like a conductor, I made a bigger motion, the intention was bigger, the effect was biggter, and the results were huge. And not only huge, they didn't include tghe setup of energyto need to lose it to prove mysel again.

I saw beore me the jar system and realized that not only had I created the funds for myproject, I had created real wealth that I could use to power mysel to any goal I had. I could say that I remade myself from nothing to everything. And because I had already done it once, I didn'[t have to  prove it later.

Therre is a tie in here to the Tibetan monk story Donna told me about the diamondcutter business. It's about proving to myself that these principles work, and that I have mastered them because I have used them to create the impossible from a place where nothing else could have been working in my favor.. I know that I did it myself using these principles.

Tghen I had a vision for the product I saw today and a business model I can use to create an amazingh income stream or my business. I can use that product to act as an app developer for small businesses that are creating conetnt. I can give them a platform forcreatin an app that bypasses the normal develop0ment processes and gets themup and running right now without the time or expense or hassle of creating their own app. I can use this product to create income or myself that can be asymetric because no one needs to know how much effort it takes to create it. I can sell it for the value it provides to the business without regard to the efort I invest.

This is an important negotiating tool for me with this company.
Vision for cre3ating the funds to finance this change.

Shift between just getting the money and being funded. Power conducting.

Creating an income stream from the SW product by setting up and selling aps to content creators/curators.

Success List for Saturday, March 23

Here's what I accomplished today:

1. I weighed myself to see the impact of my dinner splurge last night. I wasn't afraid to face the truth.
2. I struggled with wanting to eat more today, but I managed myself well.
3. I made a huge change in the office. I've shifted a lot of energy and I'm on my way to reclaiming my office for myself.
4. I have this sense that next week is going to be amazing. That I'm going to be shocked by how things work out.
5. I came up with some good strategies for marketing my next webinars.

Reclaiming My Space & Life

After several weeks of overworking, I slept for 14 hours last night. It felt great to sleep until I woke up.

I realized something over the last few day. I've been feeling hungry all of the time. At least that is how I've been explaining my feeling. But I realized that what I'm feeling is my metabolism at a higher rate. It has to do with energy and not with hunger or appetite. But my instinct is to want to eat.

Now that I realize this, I'm free to reframe the experience and think about it differently.

I think I could munch on carrots if I'm really having a physical reaction and want to deal with it on that level.

I can choose how I want to experience this. Cool.

So when I got up, I went into my office. I had this vision for sorting through a few of the notebooks on the shelf above my desk. I wanted to organize my webinar notes, too. I dove in and went much deeper. I tossed a lot of things, and sorted out a lot of things that are not important any more.

At one point, I had so much going on that I started to get a little overwhelmed. So I stopped and shifted gears. I didn't get back to that task today. But I'll wrap it up tomorrow. It's good to make so much progress in one day. Or weekend.

Piece by piece, my life is coming back together.

Coincidence

So Tuesday, I cleared off my desk. And today, I got 4 new clients.

That's not a coincidence. It's the way energy works.

Wow. Thanks for the reminder.

Success List for Sunday, March 17

1. I completed a committment I made even though it was tough and even though I wanted to give up. I completed it with excellence. I'm proud of the work I did.
2. I gave myself time to take care of myself today. Not perfectly, but mostly I listened to what I needed and did it. And I have a plan for doing more of this, getting more rest, over the next few days.
3. I meditated and took care of my mouth today.
4. I allowed myself the pleasure of listening to Brene Brown and really feeling what her words brought up for me. I realized that I've been allowing myself to be more vulnerable over the last few months and I felt proud of that.
5. I've gained a new sense of committment to my journey tonight, and am setting my energy into motion to support it.
6. I pulled weeds in the front yard.
7. I caught myself when I started to get cranky with mom. I wasn't upset with her, and I'm glad I caught it.
8. I loved petting and brushing the cat today.

Raw and Vulnerable

My buttons have been pushed. I'm aware that I'm raw and vulenrable just below the surface.

Yesterday while reaching my Twitter article, I visited the account of a woman I had hoped would become a friend several years ago. I noticed her friendly outgoing way with the people in her community. I felt jealous. I felt unloved. I felt that I was somehow less than those people.

It didn't matter that my brain could explain a lot of things to me. That this woman is broken in ways that I can see, that she's really not the right kind of person for me. All I could feel was the pain of the rejection of a friendship that I thought I wanted.

What is that about?

I feel that way frequently. There are several people that are in my orbit where I can feel that sort of outsider pang of loneliness. I reached out to another one of them a few months back and when I suggested getting together, she immediately shut me down. That pain is the same as this one.

What is this about?

I know that I'm hungry for friendship. I know that I'm going through a phase where I'm feeling a little lost and forgotten by the world. My best energy work, my best efforts to manage myself and keep myself on track can't prevent me from admitting that I feel this way.

And I wonder. Am I really not a right fit for so many people around me? Or is there another reason why I am going through this. Is there something really off about me?

I understand that I live in a world of cause and effect, that my energy pings around and bounces around ineffective until I learn how to master it. What does this feeling, these women, have to teach me about myself? Can I find the real value of this experience so I can heal and move forward?

When I think about Squamish, I realize that I'm doing it again. I'm failing to show up in a big way in my own life. I'm in fear about that event. And the crazy, insane crazy thing is that I've already paid for it. I've already taken the hit. You would think that I'd relax and be excited about it.

What can this event teach me about myself?

After listing to Brene Brown, I'm so much more prepared to allow myself to be vulnerable. To feel this and allow myself to have this experience. And how do I balance these feelings with what I know--that I must manage my energy and stay focused on the good, on what's right in my life, if I want to really become who I want to be and live the life I feel is waiting for me!

I'm willing to do this work.

I've already started it, but I'm jumping in with both feet right now.

Success List for Sunday, March 3, 2013

Here's what I did amazing today:

1. I tried a new recipe, chicken tortilla soup.
2. I put some of the new chicken to use today.
3. I had some new ideas about products I can create and sell.
4. I started my newsletter and I like where it is going.
5. I'm doing a great job updating my business processes as I work through them.

I had a breakthrough tonight. I realized that the calm and peace that people tell me they hear in my voice comes from my years of meditation and spiritual practice. There is so much that I have already figured out. I get distracted by the lawn mower effect in my own life and forget that I am actually doing very well. Sure, there are things I'm working on. But the largest part of what I am isn't broken. In fact, it's pretty amazing.

Remember this!