My Big Dream Shows Up

Talk about an amazing, life changing event. I had one.

I was at a conference and one of the speakers encouraged us to write down a dream, a big dream, on a card left for each of us. I've been working on these types of things for a few months, along with my life purpose. I've got some things I wrote down previously, but I always felt like there was something more.

In the literally 30 seconds he gave us to write it down, I had a mystical experience. I admitted to myself something I had never admitted before. I know what my big dream is. It's funny because the words I actually wrote down don't quite make sense. They are not quite English, but I know exactly what they mean.

I want to live a life that shows others what is possible, what personal and business success looks like.

It came as a bubble of thought and this is the best I could interpret it in that moment. And even now. But this is only the skeleton of the idea. And as I felt the bubble and reached for the words, I felt as if I had been struck by lightning. Expecially from the solar plexus to the root chakras. I felt electrified. Activated.

I felt a sob come up from deep inside me. And tears started pouring from my eyes even though I was calm emotionally. it was the movement of my spirit within in. I've felt something like this before.

There are so many thoughts that come along for the ride, like the end of yarn hanging off a big ball. Except there are many, may dangling ends. One of them is that I'm willing to be seen. One is that I want to be a role model. One is that I want people to think: if she can do it, I can do it. One is that I want to show the work/life balance in action.

For the last several weeks, maybe months, I've been aware that I have a new measure of success for my life. For the longest time, money has been the only measure of success that really mattered to me in the end. No matter how much I valued other things and achieved them, if there wasn't enough money attached, I didn't feel fulfilled. But recently, I realized this has changed. That I now see my business as a vehicle for my personal growth, a tool and a laboratory where I can dream, set goals, and then become someone greater than I am. And I'm so fascinated by this process that it's become more important to me than money. Which is great because the money hasn't been flowing as much as I want.

I wonder why this happened now, after so many years of me working on myself, really paying attention to things, and striving to be my best self for decades. Is this something that I wasn't ready to hear until now? Or was I so resistant that this is the first it could come through? I don't really care about the answer, at least not in the linear way. I'm just curious about the process, about how this works. What if I hadn't lived this long? I've got questions.

Later, i was reflecting on this bit of information, and I could see threads of it throughout my life.

When I shared my experience with Georgi, she said it didn't sound much like a dream, but more like a purpose. Whoa. That's got me thinking even more. What's the difference between a dream, a goal, and a purpose? I think purpose is about who we want to be. Dream is about what we want to do. And perhaps goal is how we accomplish a dream. I'm just thinking out loud here. I don't know the answer.