Loosening the Tension Knots Inside

I just figured out what is bothering me, why I'm not able to sleep. It's business. I'm afraid that I've taken on a full time person and I don't have enough paying work for both of us. I'm scared inside.

Is it true? Perhaps. But there is a greater chance that I can leverage her skills to really bring in more work. More business analysis from Joe.

And while she and D are working on the topic planners, I can start writing the help system from the topic planners. I can always let D go, also. I really didn't think she would stick around when K left, so I was caught off guard.

I'm going to leave things as they are until I really know there is an hours problem. In the meantime, I'm going to make sure I'm billable, and give N plenty of work to keep her busy. D can do as much as she wants, up to about 15 hours a week.

I'll start working on the help file to keep myself busy when I run out of things. I've also got some business analysis things I can do to help Joe with implementing OR. I can come up with a features matrix that he can use to create a sort of client profile from the JADs, the start of a design document process for him, for the business analysis. This will be good.

I didn't realize before tonight how scared I was feeling inside. I can relax now. I take it very seriously that I offered someone work, and I feel a sense of responsibility. In truth, N is a contractor and not an employee, I don't have any real obligation. I don't intend to misuse her or the situation, but I also don't have to worry about anyone but myself and my company. That is a bad habit I can begin to release now that I'm aware of it.

This is part of me adjusting to living in a bigger business world, living a bigger life. I have to relax and let the wind fill my sails. I've been taking the next logical step the whole time, and I'm excited to see the horizon growing on the other side of this hill I'm climbing. I have to let go and trust the process.

It's good to be cautious, and I must have myself as my priority, no doubt. But beyond that, I have to be willing to live to the horizon each moment of the day, to let my experiences open me up further, and continue to dream big dreams.

This is all going to be terrific, and a terrific learning process at the same time. Tonight's lesson is accomplished.