Changing The Past

On my last night in town, I found myself reliving milestone moments from the past with people who caused me problems. I watched myself talking with the first one, and when he revealed his position, I told him to fuck off. Wow. That's not how is played out back then.

That empowered me to go back through a few other situations and tell people what I thought of them in that space. It was amazing to see how small and puny they all seemed, so distracted, such drifters. I could see so clearly that they were not playing the game at the same level I was playing it even back then. I said the things that I couldn't say back then, and I felt relieved.

Then I reached my whoompf factor boss and his efforts to kill my relationship with Ray. It all seems so obvious to me today. It was just a game to them, like a fantasy sports league. I believe that is why they were not able to stop us. But it was interesting.

In that early morning space, I continued to work through other relationships. I remembered my huge embarrassment of taking Dennis with me to the company dinner that year. I don't think I had thought about that since right after it happened.

In my  fully awake mind, it seems to me today that I was seeing a pattern of people who were in my life who were not a match for me. I didn't understand back then what I do today. I had no idea that I was so different from them. If I had understood that, I would not have cared one bit what they ssaid or did to me. But I did care back then.

I'm really glad that I am able today to go back and redo the past. Those things I should have said back then, and by saying them today, they empower me now. It changes me then and now. It also changes my relationship with these people in the present.

A few of them have reappeared in my life thanks to Facebook. But they are still not a match to me today. I knew that as soon as the connections were made. They seem almost caricatures of who they were in the past. Maybe that's what happens to people who drift for decades. It's interesting to observe this.

There were a few people who I recognized as similar energy as I worked through these people. A few were a surprise to me. But in the end, it leaves me almost feeling relieved. I made great decisions in the past. There were no mistakes over people I released along the way. That is good to know.
All of this has me wondering if I have people in my world today who also fit this pattern.