I'm really proud of myself for being willing to try so many new things right now. I am writing this in a coffee shop, waiting for one guy I met last week at the Twitter meet-up to arrive with his wife and kids. I don't know if anyone else will be here. I'm excited to get a chance to get to know him and his family. This is not something I would have done several months ago. I think it is a great change.
It's been a strange day. I reconnected with an old friend today, someone from 30 years ago. It was like no time had passed. He had some interesting feedback for me. He told me that even back in the day, it was obvious that I was consciously on an inner journey. I know that was true of me then, I'm just a bit surprised that someone noticed it and was willing to share that with me.
I'm not sure when I first realized I was on a journey. I think it is totally organic to my being, so I'm not sure it is something I realized. I think it might be more interesting to figure out when I first realized that everyone was not like me. I'm still shocked today when I realize people are not consciously on their journey, even though I know in my head that they really are on a journey and that many people are not conscious of it. I also understand that people are free to focus on what they want. But it still surprises me when I find myself face-to-face with it.
I've also been surprised by the amount of anger in one of the women I've met. I don't think I've ever seen such meanness in a person before. My first impressions of her were accurate. When I contacted her, I was surprised at how she welcomed me, and I thought that perhaps I had misjudged her. I do make mistakes about people. Later, she openned up to me with a very private part of her life and then an emotional burst, letting me into her pain and her confusion. I see who she is. I was disappointed later when I met up with her again, and I felt her very pointed, critical energy directed at me. Totally skeptical and judgmental of me. I realize part of this is just how she expresses her personality, and part of it was a reaction to her inability to not expose herself to me earlier. I wasn't surprise, just disappointed. It didn't prevent me from doing what I came to do, but it did cause me to shift my energy in response to her. She is used to getting her way, playing the game by her rules, and is very lonely and angry inside. I hope she finds a way to soften her heart and let in the good things around her. When I spoke to her about her strengths and the strong qualities I see in her, she drank it up. I hope that my interaction with her has a positive impact on her. I feel that she won't have anything to do with me going forward. I intend to smile and nod and keep my distance.
I'm observing my interactions online, and I see much that I like. I'm starting to make some interesting online friends. People of real character and substance. It's grand to meet them. For the most part, the local community isn't full of my kind of people. They are creative and technical and very nice, but their focus and interests are quite different. It's more of a disconnect than anything else. I was hoping that I had made a friend in one woman, but that is clearly not the case. I'm fine with that, and I trust that I will begin to find my people locally. It takes time, and will be so worth it when it happens. I certainly have the patience to wait.
I'm not sure what is up with my inability to focus and crank out work right now. I think I had the right idea today, that it doesn't matter if I putz around today more than I would like. There are no deadlines, no penalties for not getting things done today or this weekend. I think I am so used to driving myself hard that it's hard to take some time to just tread water and explore a bit. It's been a great day even thouugh I didn't get through the list of things I wanted to do. There is time, and after all, I'm working tomorrow and Sunday. I don't feel like I need a weekend this week.
I would like to get the studio straightened out.
I'm seriously considering having people over to watch the movie I've ordered. I have no idea who might come, but small group or large, I'd be happy to have people in the house. It would be a lot of fun. I've been thinking I could make a big pot of sloppy joe mix for the event.
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