Decompression

I always forget how long it takes to decompress after an intense assignment. I've just spent most of the last 5 days doing almost nothing. I've picked up very little after myself during this time, making a mess of the house. I had such plans for things to accomplish, projects to complete, reading to do... and none of it was done. In fact, during much of this time, I physically felt out of sorts, not sick but certainly not energized. My sleep cycle is off, I've been napping during the days, unable to sleep through the night, and I'm wide awake at nearly my wake-up time and I haven't slept yet tonight.

On Thursday, I kept struggling to figure out what to do with myself. I had so much work rattling around in my head that I kept finding myself working at the computer. I made notes of what I need to do on Tuesday, and the notes take up 3 typed pages. I couldn't pull my head out of the whirl of ideas related to the project. I got over that by Friday. But now, I'm facing a return to work in a few hours and I've got distractions everywhere in the house in the form of unfinished chores and projects I want to do. Even the laundry needs attention. The only real accomplishment during this time was that trip to the grocery so I have enough food stuffs around to have decent meals for a few more days.

I had hoped that if I came in here with the intention to write that something miraculous would happen, that I'd discover some incredible insight into my recent experience or write something that felt important about my journey. I don't feel any of that has happened. This is a mundane reporting of my situation and the cycle of my work experience. Perhaps all I had hoped was that I would break through the veneer of disconnection I'm feeling to connect with something of substance that I know is within me but seems to be out of reach right now. What do I expect? I allowed my life to be out of balance for two months with an overemphasis on work. I understood why I did this, and why I thought it was important. I don't regret the decision, I guess I'm just a bit surprised at how slowly I'm bouncing back. I guess I expected something different. But I think the truth is that this is normally what happens.

I am proud that I've made it through this time without making myself sick. I've had a couple of physical symptoms pop up, some new ones at that, and I've figured out how to smooth them out. Considering all, I've kept a pretty healthy balance in my life during this time. I'm eager to start the next phase of my life, which I feel starts just as soon as I snap out of this lethargy. I'm aching to be more active, to be outside more, and to eat really well. It's amazing how I'm longing for good food, fresh produce especially. I'll see how this plays out in the next few weeks.

I'm starting to yawn, always a good sign, so I'm off to the Land of Nod.