Emails Sent To Friends
Sunday, 29 September
Hello XXXX
It was great actually talking with you, and like you said, to put a voice with the written word. It's amazing, isn't it, how much a voice gives away about a person. Around here the rednecks are called briars (meaning mostly hicks from Kentucky, or as the inbred ones say, "'Tucky"). Maybe it's my childhood, but when I hear that particular linguistic twang, I get this whole image. I dated a guy from 'Tucky once. Honest to god, his parents were like third cousins, and for the most part, there were only about 12 unique last names in the phone book. OK, it was a small town, but still. He was actually brilliant, a couple of master's degrees and all, but neither of his parents stayed in school long enough to hit puberty. (Maybe there IS a method to the madness, after all!)
As you can tell from this note, I'm getting to where I have short bursts during the day when I actually FEEL like Charlene again. It doesn't last long, the aches and pains return and I slip back into being a sicko, but in those sick moments, my own level of patience is being really tested. Really. I'm not a very patient sick person, as I'm discovering. I'm still being nice to my parents, its not like I've turned into the houseguest from hell or anything, but inside myself, there is a silent rage that is growing that I can't lift things, I can't bend over, I can't even fucking sit on a chair without doing the "princess and the pea" kind of padding. And believe me, that "pea" reveals itself all too soon. I'm doing better walking, doing a bit further every day. I'm not up to twice around the block yet, but I've added a bit more distance. But walking just makes me ache more, makes me more aware of the muscles and things that are being regrown through the miracle of human physiology. We aren't as awesome as salamanders that regrow things like new legs, but heck, what our bodies do to heal is pretty fucking amazing.
Sorry to be swearing so much, but it's the small voice of rage talking through me. I wonder if I'm turning into a Sybil, and if so, what should I call the angry [my real name], the one who just wants to get back to the old [my real name]'s life? Oh, let's be creative... how about [my real name]? And how about if I call the sicko [my real name] by another name, because she is really the foreign creature. How about Molly? I never really liked that name, and I really don't like being sick, so I'll be glad to dispense of both the moniker and the illness.
Well, the pea has revealed itself, so I must resume laying down.
Ta ta for now....
Me/Molly
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (evil laughter)
Saturday, 28 September
Hello XXX
I'm taking good care of myself here, and am slowly seeing progress. I'm getting stronger, and while the pain is actually getting worse, it seems to be more of a healing sort of pain. Regrowing of muscles, reconnecting of nerves. Rather then prescription pain killers, I chose to only take Advil, so I'm living with a bit more pain than necessary, but I also have my full mental capacity! I'm not one for drugs, truth be told. And I do have a high tolerance for pain.
I'm writing about my experience at the Desert Mermaid blog if you are interested. I'm not writing very ofen, the act of sitting for a length of time is painful, since that is where my incision is located!
Trust that all is well in your world. Would love to hear the details of what you are doing -- anything is fascinating to me right now I feel so isolated and separated from real life.
Hugs
Sunday, 22 September
Hi XXXX
I've arrived safely at my parent's home, and am taking advantage of the opportunity to rest and recouperate. I'm getting a bit stronger every day. I'm still not strictly back on my diet -- I'm pretty much eating what they are serving for now. In a few more days, once I feel strong enough to take on some cooking, I'm going to start fixing food that is on my diet. I've offered to cook enough for everyone if they want to try what I eat, but they are pretty set in their own ways. Seems that I will be cooking mostly for myself.
I have lost a total of 50.5 pounds so far, not sure how many stones that is, but it is about 7 pounds since the start of my illness, which pleases me. But as I've said, my focus right now is getting strong and healthly, and weight gain is the last thing on my list of priorities for today.
I walked half way down the block today, and turned around and came back. It is the furthest I've walked in over a month. Tomorrow, during a break in the rain, I'm hoping to walk a bit further, or perhaps do the same walk two times.
Anyway, I'm getting stronger and feeling better every day.
By the way, my sister says that once I start complaining about mom and dad -- that is when she will know that I'm finally back to normal. I'm just so grateful for the help that nothing bothers me, you know?
I ordered a wreath of roses, yarrow and other plants for my mom as a thank you gift. It arrived today, a bit earlier than I had scheduled it. The flowers will all dry and so the wreath is permanent. My mom loves it, and had me help her to hang it in the middle of their dining/family room.
Will write more as I'm able.
Hugs
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