My Refuge

I love this blog.

I came out here earlier this week to write, and now, I'm back again. It's so nice to be back. For so long, everything I've been doing has been public. My blogging is public and about generating traffic. It's so nice to come back to a place where I can just be me and let my hair down. In the online world, that is such a treat. And that is why I've gone to such an effort to make this blog anonymous.

It feels good to have a place where I can just think and type and let the inner voice drip out of my fingers as fast as I can type. I've missed this. I've missed having a regular time and place for reflection.

I'm not in one of my best places.

There are many things around me and inside me that are not quite what I want for myself. The chall;enge is to be happy where I am as I make plans to make improvements. The trick is to focus on the journey. I can feel the shift in my energny just from starting to make the changes. That is enough! Yes, the outcomes will be great when they get here. But in the meantime, I can feel the joy of the process, and do my best to clear up the energy of the spaces around me to support those changes. It's time to reconnect with my tools and processes and get back to being the person I am on the inside. The person who knows this three diminisional reality is an illusion and lives accordingly. I've never forgotten this, but it certainly hasn't been my primary focus for a long time.

I'm feeling the energy of having a number nine house for sure!

Right now, there is a lot of mystery, but I've also had a lot of mastery, so it's just a matter of remembering, of reclaiming, and then finding myself back on top of the wave. I'm still in the water with my surf board. It's just a little bit of logistics to get back where I want to be, in the zone.

I can do this! I'm in the process of reinventing myself back in this space.

It seems like I live my life along a sine wave. Peaks and valleys. Energy shifts at the turning points. The path of the earth is a sine wave, so maybe this is a solid metaphor for life as well. I've been slipping, things have been tough and getting tougher for a while. But the energy has shifted and things are truly getting better. It's going to take some time to renew and refresh and get back my former good habits. But I can and will do this and it won't take much effort or time. It will be easy.

I'm really proud of my character. I'm not yet who I want to be, but I see glimpses of a kinder, gentler person shining through all of the time. I'm really proud of who I've become. I like myself more today than I ever have.

Finding My Center of Balance

I'm certainly in an interesting time. I think part of what is going on is a normal decompression cycle after working too much. But part of it is new. Part of it has to do with the new push and the new direction my business is taking. Because my business is changing, I'm changing. The business and personal changes are hard to separate, but clearly these changes tilt towards the business side.

I am hungry for changes in my personal life as well. I had been doing so well giving myself the first hour of each day. But that slipped after a while into giving myself permission to get an extra hour of sleep because that is what I wanted and needed most. I want that time back. I don't care if I decide to sleep in -- I still want the first hour for myself no matter what time that is. Things are not chaotic in my life, yet, but there are things that need attention. Things I need to take care of before my life begins to get chaotic. The fact that I have unopened mail and unfiled paperwork says it all. I'm also going to return to my Friday rule, that Friday I work for myself. It will be a challenge to implement this, but I'm going to do it this week. Once I get into the habit, it will be easy, and I will see the benefits of this diverted focus of energy building in a big way.

I'm really very happy to make these changes. I'm really looking forward to finding a new center of balance in my life so that my things are looked after as well as everyone else's interests. It lets me life the life I want to live, where my priorities rule my time schedule and not just what is billable gets priority billing. I want top billing in my own life. I want to choose to work on all sorts of things, but I decide and I take care of my wide range of interests, not just who will pay for my time. Isn't time my most precious commodity? Isn't the quality of life, the richness of living a daily life that addresses personal and professional, activity and rest, inner journey and outer journey... aren't these the values my heart sings about and that make sense to my head? It may be a simple credo to follow, but it is not easy to implement and keep in balance. I'm determined to find my center of balance for now between these duality points, and continue to adjust as the demands and interests of my life change.