Hurting Again

I'm in that space again. After a few days of feeling more solid, I'm feeling vulnerable and exposed and embarrassed. I'm not even sure what I want to write here. I only know that I feel better when I write it out.

I know that something is going on here with my TW friend. I can't seem to contain myself. I want to be known, I want to tell him everything about me. I can't stop myself, the feeling of safety in the moment and the urge to share overwhelm me. I don't think I've done anything horrible. I really don't want to be a burden or become some sort of a pen pal. It has to stop, I can see that. But I don't know what to do.

I do know that this urge I'm feeling is okay. I know that something is going on and I'm going to figure it out over time. I just don't want to explode in someone's life in the meantime. Someone who hasn't really invited me in.

These feelings are so strong when they hit that I feel the waves of it rolling over me. It comes from a very deep place.

I'm really proud that I have the courage to stand and go through this. I'm also proud that I'm strong enough to observe myself. And that even in the midst of all this, I'm being kind to myself. I feel so vulnerable and like it is my fault I've exploded like this, and yet I'm not blaming myself for it. I'm really wrestling with it.