Disturbing Dreams
I have just woke up from a most unsettling dream.
Second Dream
I was at an office building, I think at work. I went out somewhere during the day, leaving my car in the front parking lotwith other cars. Its the station wagon and not my truck. I think it was running because I wanted it to keep warm for when I came out. (But the sense of being cold was real because when I work up, I was uncovered and cold/) As I came back, I thought I should sop the engine. It seems like I went past it and back into the building. When I cam out, there were few cars left and many people in the lot.
I don't kow when I realized that someone had taken a wheel off of the car (both tire and rim), As soon as I realized it, there were people there to help me. I didn't know them as Dad and Michelle, but that is who they felt like. Dad was busy helping someone else, so I started to replace the wheel with my spare by myself with them close by. When I opened the back, the spare was only a tire and not a wheel, which meant I didn't have a solution. Dad suggested that we put on the wheel and drive like that to a repair center. It seemed like there were multiple wheels, more than 4, more like a semi, and so this would work for a short term. There was some discussion about where to take me to get the best/quickest service. It seems like the options were Sears and Wal-Mart, but again, they have different names. Michelle suggested another place, one that Dad thought was a bit further, but it was a good option. She recommended it, and he knew about it.
After this, I have a sense of being in motion, and I was getting quite upset about the theft. I said to Michelle "I know that everything happens because I attract it, but I can't help but believe that Terry is behind this. (In my earlier part of the dream, I had been spending time with Terry.) I thought Terry had stolen the wheel, or arranged for someone else to steal it, because I refused to give him more money.
I woke up with the worst feeling, a sense of a whole in my being, like the missing wheel on the car. I've spent some time already trying to get the meaning of this this. Obviously, the car represents my daily living, and the missing wheel means that I'm stranded, or severaly crippled, not able to get where I want to go. What confused me at first is that I'm making such huge changes in my life right now. The WW and the weight loss, learning how to eat, and my whole quest for adding my body as an asset in my life -- these should be producing good dreams. I did think about my truck for a minute, and a few minutes later, I did go out to retrieve soem valuables I had left inside it. Not because I thought they would be taken, but because I realized that I wasn't taking care of my assets by leaving them outside the house.
I realize that this dream is a manifestation of my existing energy, and I"m taking it seriously. I do want to completely release it, but first I'm connecting the feeling to the areas of my life where it resonnates so I know where I'm leaking this kind of energy.
The Terry Dream
In this dream, I was contacted by Terry after all of these years, and I was spending time with him. But during this short contact, I was able to see so clearly that he was just after what I could give to him. He had a sob story about needing Internet connection, and I agreed to help him get back online with AOL. But nothing cost what it seemed. Once he had made the connection and was using a trial time, the costs doubled to $150. I had been upset with the initial cost, and this was just way too much. It is what let me see what was wrong with the situation. That sick feeling, that feeling of selling myself out, reminds me of John. While Terry is part of that line, I do think the dream was really more about John and his constant money drain. Of course, Terry was the same way, it was just so long ago.
I confronted Terry in the dream, and told him that I was not going to pay for his AOL account. He was upset, and tried to charm me into it, but my mind was made up. I was telling him very honestly that I wasn't goign to do it, and he kept refusing to take no, but trying to find a way to convince me, charm me. It wasn't working. Then, another person came along, a friend of mine, and I was explaining to her that I had just been in contact with Terry and what he wanted. Somehow, it seems that through that conversation, I became aware of a fraud he was initiating with AOL about his user name (which was a variation of "conspiracy"_ and the fact that he gave them an address from about 15 years ago. I was quite proud of myself for not giving in to his request, even after initially agreeing. I felt I had drawn lines and felt immovable and invulnerable to any of his ploys. About that time, this dream converted to the second dream. I was travelling through some farm land which is where Terry was living with a man who was a cult-like leader of a fundamentalist church. There were rolling hills everywhere, it was quite beautiful land. I arrived at the office type building where my car was located.
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After being quite upset by these dreams, I feel now that this has been quite a gift for me to recognized a major vibration in my life. I think the WW and the house cleaning I did yesterday are what is allowing me to see this so clearly in myself now. I think this has been an underlying vibration within me forever. I recognize it most clearly as the John breakup feeling, when he would contact me afterwards, wanting to come back, but not saying the right things. It was about him trying to get back to where he could take care of himself at my expense, knowing I would support that, and the feeling that he didn't want to be with me because he wanted to be with me. It had nothing to do with me, only aobut what he wanted to get.
I think the paperwork in my truck is significant, but I also think that my intention for making my body into one of my assets is even more significant. I can't ignore the fact that I got a phone call earlier this evening from another old beau, either, as part of the triggering. Right now, I feel like I'm holding this vib consciously, feeling where all it goes, looking at the trails of it through my life, much like standing at the mouth of a river at the ocean, and feeling each of the tributaries back to their sources, feeling a web reaching through the solid mass. This is a very pervasive feeling in my history. BUT NOT IN MY FUTURE!
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